Outtakes Of A Walking Mistake by Anthony Paull Read Free Book Online

stunned.
    I ignore his insensitive side and continue rambling. “It’s a small part really, but as the saying goes, there are no small parts, just small....”
    “Actors,” he finishes.
    “Exactly.” One time, Jenny told me a secret: all men are attracted to a sense of humor, so I add a joke. “And getting the part was easy. All I had to do was bump uglies with Mr. Dolby.”
    “What? You had sex with Mr. Dolby?” Billy takes a step back like something that nasty might be contagious.
    “I’m sorry. It was just a joke.”
    “Oh.”
    Red alert. Billy’s going to think I’m a total sleaze bag. Quick! How can I paint myself in a positive light? Think heavenly. Think purity. Think. Think. Think. “I used to be an altar boy.”
    “What?”
    “I used to attend church. I still do sometimes.”
    “O…K.”
    “The priest is hot.”
    “What?”
    “I mean, cold. I mean, cool.”
    “What are you talking about?”
    I haven’t a clue. An altar boy? How do I come up with this stuff? Oh, I hope God isn’t taking notes. And if he is, may hell be no hotter than Southwest Florida. “I’m sorry. I just want you to know that I do good things. Like you mentor kids at Becker Elementary after school, right? You do good things too. See, we have a connection.”
    No need for the sun burning like a stove overhead, Billy’s brain seems fried by my logic. “Listen man, I have to blaze. I need to audition.”
    “Oh yeah, right,” I reply. Still, I can’t lose him, not this time. Reel him in, hook, line, and sinker. “Well, what about after the audition,” I say. “What are your plans?”
    Huffing in disgust, Billy impatiently turns and walks away. “You seem to know my schedule. Why don’t you tell me?”
    “Uh…uh…uh,” I stutter, like a total tard. Then I plant the thought of a way to rally, to come back from this, in my head, forming a brilliant idea.
    I know! I’ll take Billy’s words as a challenge! Yes, I’ll set his schedule for him, ensuring our ‘date’ is the first event to be penciled in!
    What a wondrous thought!
    Still first, I need to get rid of dad.
    Peeking into dad’s truck, I quickly urge him to turn down some song with an old man singing “I will get by” over and over and over again. Dad’s searching through his CD case while sipping his afternoon latte. “Hello. Focus,” I tell him, as he kills the radio.
    “What’s the delay? Get in.”
    “Hold on. I have a problem.”
    “What problem?”
    “Now, don’t get mad. I know that I told you to pick me up, but I need more time. I have a community service project that I forgot about. Billy just reminded me. You know I need community service hours to graduate. Is it ok if Billy drives me home?”
    “Who’s Billy?” He acts a tad suspicious, and I can understand why. At one point in time – believe it or not – dad was a boy himself. Therefore, he is fully aware of how easy it is for a friendship to blossom into something more. That’s the way he landed his first date with mom in high school, by feigning interest in the marine science club just so he could work his way into her life. Dad, he brakes for manatees. Me, I brake for men to tease.
    “Billy is the guy I was just talking to,” I explain. “He has to complete service hours too. Just listen. If I have any problems, I’ll call you.”
    Dad stalls, appearing a tad peeved. “You have your cell?”
    “Ugh. Yes.”
    “And you’ll be home before dark?”
    “Come on, dad. Please. Let me grow up.”
    And he does, granting me permission, but not without a short lecture first in regard to trust, and the way in which it is earned in small increments. If I don’t get into any trouble, and if I keep him informed the entire time I’m with Billy, he promises that he’ll give me extra breathing room in the future. On the flip side, if I screw up, he promises to choke me.
    No need for help with that though. Waiting for Billy to finish up with his audition, my mouth goes dry, and I