Peep Show by Joshua Braff Read Free Book Online Page B

their sleep. And Abromowitz, this shmuck I’ve known forever, has Ira wanting to buy his inventory. Guy’s in the dildo biz. I told him I’d come over tomorrow but I’ll tell you right now, I’m not a opening my wallet for shit. You should come with me. It’ll be good for ya.”
    â€œDad?”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œI have no idea what you’re talking about.”
    â€œWe’re in the mood to see some boys,” Brandi says. “Debra says she wants to get whistled at.”
    â€œNo, I don’t,” she says. “I never said that.”
    â€œArlene, don’t turn my little girl into someone she’s not, okay?”
    â€œLittle girl? She’s not exactly a baby.”
    â€œLet’s get back to city,” my father says. “How ’bout a movie?”
    Debra’s smile fades as she glances at me. “I think we’d better get back to Newstead.”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œThe car, mom’s car,” I say. “She wouldn’t drive us, ya know, the Sabbath and all. I ended up taking it without, really . . .”
    â€œWhat are you telling me?” He looks at Brandi, his eyes blinking. “What did he just say?”
    â€œI think he said he took the car.”
    â€œIt’s Shabbat,” Debra says. “We don’t drive.”
    â€œWe borrowed it,” I say. “I’ll call her. I’ll call her right now.”
    My dad has his hands on his head. “From
where
? She can’t pick up the phone anyway.
Christ
, David. That was stupid. Get in the car.
I’m
driving, move over. Move!”
    â€œIt’ll all work out,” Brandi says.
    â€œYou know who’s gonna pay for this.
Right?
”
    I look at my father as I get in the passenger seat. “Sorry.”
    â€œYeah, me too!”
    Debra looks chastened and stressed. She starts rubbing off the lipstick with the back of her hand. It’s smears up onto her cheeks and nose and now her sleeve.
    â€œUm . . . that’s not really how I’d do that,” Brandi says, looking for a tissue in her purse. “Stay still. Let’s keep it off your clothes.”
    â€œAnd off your mother’s car,” my father says, sitting up to find her in the rearview. “She looks like she’s been punched, Arlene.”
    â€œStay still,” says Brandi. “Let me get your eyelids.”
    â€œShe’ll probably call the cops.”
    Grand theft auto. Kidnapping. Speeding. Cursing. Hating. I’ll tell them I was inspired by my own father. He also ignored her and we flew out of there, leaving the smell of rubber on the driveway. I ignore her and I’m going to jail. Why’d you do it, kid? Why’d you steal your mama’s car? Because she’s a killer of fun. A murderer of energy and glee. She says
no
, you
can’t
, the same way her grand rabbi says she can’t and won’t and shouldn’t and, “
Don’t!
”
    I just yelled that as loud as I could.
    My father’s eyes are pinned on me. “Don’t what?”
    I T’S IMPOSSIBLE TO miss her. She’s the first thing we see when my father pulls up to the curb on East Jerusalem Place. Standing outside the passenger door of a running taxi, her face a furious stone.
    â€œBe calm,” Brandi says. “You’ve done nothing wrong.”
    â€œYou don’t understand,” Debra says.
    â€œHelp her with her hair,” I say. “Where’s the tie?”
    â€œDon’t tell me you lost it, Arlene.”
    â€œI didn’t lose it,” Brandi says. “Oh, here it is, here it is.”
    When my mother sees us she points at the windshield and quickly walks our way.
    My father’s out of the car first, his hands in the air. “Hey there, gorgeous. I heard there was a misunderstanding.”
    â€œGive me the keys, Martin,” she says, and stabs me with her eyes as I exit the car.
    He hands them to her