penance. a love story (The Böhme Series) by Sarah Buhl Read Free Book Online Page B

them.
    The first date spoke of herself and her ex-boyfriend. He wronged her and her purpose for telling me the story was to plant in my mind that I should never do that to her. I watched her as she spoke and I made myself smile at the proper times and nod my head to encourage her to continue as if I were listening to her.
    Each date started with comments on my bike and tattoos. I responded with nods and simple replies with questions encouraging the girl I was out with to do most of the talking. I tried to listen to the mindless stories of past relationships and hairstyles. But my mother’s words were louder than theirs. People only want what they can get from you, Wynn. They don’t care about anything except for what you can do for them. That goes for me too. I learned a long time ago not to expect anyone to care, so I started to take as well. We do what we have to in order to survive each day. My mother’s comments always echoed through my mind. I tried my best to drown out her voice and listen to the nonstop chatter of my dates, but she always won.
    A few of the dates told me of their high school years as if being a cheerleader long ago was impressive. I said my good-byes to them at the restaurant or theater where we had our date and they waited with expectant eyes. I gave them a quick kiss on the cheek and turned to leave.
    The last date I went on was different. She was the first I went further than a simple good-bye. She had asked me to come back to her place to play video games. That was the reason I followed her home. I had thought that since she owned a gaming console she might be interesting. Come to find out, she never played. She thought owning it made her favorable with men. Weird .
    I followed her into her house and we started playing a first person shooter and it was fun for a while. She kept leaning closer to me until she touched my hands to take the controller from me. They felt dry and reminded me of Blake’s iguana.
    She set the controller to the other side of her and placed her palms on my face. She straddled my lap and started to kiss me. It was my first real kiss and it filled my mouth with the taste of tortellini and cigarettes. I blocked those from my mind as I started to let my body go at her touch. It wasn’t awful and it was nice at first, until she put her hand in my pants and hell broke loose. I couldn’t handle that. I closed my eyes and saw her silhouette in my doorway. I was a boy, wanting his mother and not the tormentor from his nightmares. As the memories flashed through my mind, on reflex, I threw her off me and ran to the bathroom.
    I left her apartment that night with a quick apology telling her that I was ill with something. That was that—I never saw her again. She tried calling and texting, but I didn’t respond. From then on, I declined dates. I told Blake and Sid if I found a girl that held my interest, I would date her. It worked and they backed off except for the occasional introductions as Sid tried.
    I was getting on my bike when Blake called. Before I said hello, he started, “Hey, you want to go to Henley’s tonight?” I squeezed my eyes shut at the anxiousness that question brought. I pinched the bridge of my nose, knowing I had to decide if I wanted to hang out at a bar. I thought of saying no, but I heard Stinson in my head, “ You have to take those first steps. You always speak of control, well take fucking control .” Yeah, he had an unorthodox way with me and I appreciated it.
    “I suppose I can ,” I said with a sigh into the phone.
    “Great. I’m heading over there at nine ,” he said with an excited but shocked tone.
    “Okay, sounds good .” I ended the call.
    Blake was a riddle. He wanted to fit in with everyone in high school, but called them cloned assholes lacking individual thought. But he still went to their parties. He needed others, where I did not.
    I think he uses it as a learning experience, trying to figure out who he doesn’t want in