penance. a love story (The Böhme Series) by Sarah Buhl Read Free Book Online

rough shove. He looked at the girl after as if the shove impressed her. I didn’t stumble back when he did it and held my ground.
    I ignored him and set my attention to the crowd around the fire. They were talking, but not talking. Mindless chatter. I thought of my new tattoo inside my arm. Salinger was right. People don’t care if you are speaking to awaken them to a truth they never thought possible. If it didn’t help them in the physical world, it was worthless and they didn’t notice. They float through life trapped in their own mind and others are a means to an end for them to get what they want.
    Blake introduced the girl as Lilith and I nodded in her direction and didn’t listen as Blake told her my name. Blake wanted to have his own time with this girl, so I left him to it. She was fresh meat and the sharks waited on the sidelines in case Blake decided to drop the bait.
    I sat near the fire and stayed at the party for another hour until a girl came over to talk to me. I remembered playing tag with her when we were in second grade. She was fast and always tagged me it. She smiled at me that night and asked to sit by me. I gave a slight nod and waved my hand. I was it again.
    She asked me mindless questions on potential colleges, showing a false interest in my life. I had told her I didn’t understand the point because it’s filled with more people memorizing and repeating what they’re told. But in college, you get a degree that says you memorized and repeated enough to qualify you for a job. I told her I didn’t need the debt or the fucking experience.
    She laughed and had told me I was depressing. I agreed, and she asked if it was because I needed to get laid. I still remember the smell of beer and peppermint as she whispered with seductive eyes, running her fingers across my Salinger tattoo, not noticing my disgust. But she noticed my disdain when I lifted her hand from my arm and flung it to her own lap.
    Her eyes turned dark as she said one word through clenched teeth. Fag . That word and her reaction was enough to make me want to destroy, as if the rational conclusion to my not wanting to be with her must be because I preferred men. I hated these people. Their narcissistic closed minds made me ill.
    As I was getting ready to leave, one of the former football players came up to me and yelled to everyone that I was gay. With a defying grin, he had asked everyone if they made sure to watch their asses when we were in gym. Blake came over and shoved the guy away from me. He had this need to defend me and I never understood why.
    The douche bag got pissed at Blake and declared that we were together. He laughed a loud drunken laugh and people around him encouraged him further with their added laughter. I rolled my shoulders back and tried to ignore him as I walked away. I was not going to stoop to their level with a response.
    He laughed and yelled that I was a Momma’s Boy and that was my undoing. I did not belong to my mother. I did not belong to my mother.
    I took two steps toward him and felt my rage focusing itself in my fist as it connected with his jaw. His hand went up to his mouth as if he could hold the blood with his hand and keep it inside him. He dropped to the ground at the force of my knee kicking into his back. I jumped on top of him and every ounce of pain and rage I had bottled up, I now threw into his face. My hand possessed a feral need as I hit him with the years of aggression I once withheld. I watched the blood spatter across my arms and the way it looked intrigued and scared me at the same time. I looked as a crazed animal, with my focused determination on one thing—destruction.
    Blake pulled me off him and I looked around at the people standing speechless. I met each of their eyes and wondered how people living in a big city still managed to have such small minds. The last set of eyes I saw were Blake’s as he dropped his hands to his side in astonishment at what had happened. The