Penelope Crumb Never Forgets by Shawn Stout Read Free Book Online

birthday. I shimmy off the lid and count the number of teeth in my collection: five.
    I started collecting my teeth a couple of years ago after the Tooth Fairy forgot to take one from under my pillow. (She left me a dollar anyway, thank lucky stars.) Not too long ago, I got the idea to put the same old tooth under my pillow a couple days in a row just to see what would happen. I didn’t get any more money, and that’s when Terrible told me, “Mom is the Tooth Fairy, stupid.” But I’m not sure I believe him, because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that aliens can’t be trusted.
    Littie gets all grossed out when I show her my teeth collection, especially the ones with blood on them. But you never know when you might need old teeth. Like now, for example.
    I set the tin beside the dinner plate. “This will keep away any closet monsters.” Then I curl up in the corner of the museum and close my eyes. Patsy Cline would be so happy to know that I’m taking good care of her necklace. Not that I’m going to tell her or anything.

11.
    M iss Stunkel calls me over to her desk before the first bell. I don’t know how I could be in any trouble when all I’ve done so far is sit at my desk and wait for Patsy Cline. But it doesn’t take much to get into trouble with Miss Stunkel.
    “Penelope,” Miss Stunkel says in a low voice, “I wanted to tell you that I like how agreeable you were last evening during our talk.”
    I stare at the wrinkles in her forehead while I wait for the bad part. Miss Stunkel scrunches her eyebrows, which makes even more forehead wrinkles, but the part where she says I’m a disappointment doesn’t come. Then she nods at me real slow, like it’s my turn to talk.
    Only, I don’t know what I’m supposed to say. So I just nod real slow right back and say, “I like how agreeable you were last evening, too.”
    Miss Stunkel lets out a “wah” that sort of sounds like a laugh, but not really. Then my big nose, which has superpowers, catches a whiff of her breath. And it smells like potato salad, heavy on the mayonnaise. “I’ll be eager to see your report on Monday.”
    “My report?” I say.
    “Yes, your report, Penelope. The one we talked about last evening.” Then she sticks out her jaw at me like she thinks I’m playing around. Which I very am not doing. “The one about museums? Why they are important? You do remember talking about this, don’t you?” Her finger starts to come out of her pocket.
    I nod my head and put a look on my face that says, Oh, That Report. Yes, Indeedy, I Remember That One. Which must work, because Miss Stunkel’s finger goes back inside her pocket.
    She says, “All right. You can go back to your seat now.”
    Good gravy.
    Patsy Cline is at her desk when Miss Stunkel is done with me, and on my way to her, I spot Vera Bogg across the room. She’s about as far away from Patsy as I am, and she’s heading for her, too. I get my legs going, but somehow Vera’s legs are faster. She gets to Patsy’s desk before me. By the time I make it there, Patsy and Vera are already talking.
    I squeeze myself between them and the first thing that comes out of my mouth is, “Miss Stunkel eats potato salad for breakfast.”
    Nobody knows what to say next, including me. But then to my surprise, after a while, Vera Bogg says, “I like potato salad with hard-boiled eggs.” And also to my surprise, the whole time Patsy is giving me a look that says, Did You Eat Glue Again?
    I don’t answer her. But I do notice that Vera Bogg is wearing her sand dollar necklace and Patsy isn’t. Vera notices that, too, because then she says, “Patsy, where’s your necklace?”
    I wait for Patsy to say that she lost her necklace, that it’s nowhere to be found, and that it doesn’t matter anyway because it was a dumb idea to get matching necklaces with you, Vera Bogg, if you want to know the truth. But Patsy doesn’t say those things. Instead, she looks down where her necklace