you? Itâs your body. If thatâs what you wanted and heâs the one you wanted it with ⦠besides, remember what the doctor said: âIf youâre hungry, you eat.ââ
âDo you really think he meant this? I mean, do you actually think he meant for us to have intercourse now?â
âWhy not?â I was surprised at the high pitch my voice took. I sounded like Pin.
âShould I do it again?â
âItâs up to you.â
âI was thinking about asking the doctor for birth control pills. I figure that would be a good way to see just how serious he was when he told us sex was just another Need, another physiological Need, as he called it.â
âI donât think I totally agree with that, but if the doctor said it⦠are you really going to ask for pills?â
âI thought Iâd go to the office one day and sort of ask him through Pin, know what I mean? Itâll be easier. Heâll answer through Pin. Iâm sure of it. You told him about your intercourse with Beverly Steine through Pin, didnât you?â
âNo. I just told Pin,â I said. She didnât say anything for a while. I felt her hand travel down until she found mine on the bed. We remained like that in the darkness until I got tired and went to sleep in my own bed. She was disappointed that I didnât stay with her longer.
Ursula never asked father for the birth-controlpills. She said she didnât have the nerve.
âI stood in front of Pin for a couple of minutes, but I couldnât get myself to do it.â
âWhy not?â
âI felt⦠silly.â
I didnât laugh, but she knew what I thought of that. I was also well aware of how many times she went out with Elias after the first night they had intercourse. (I always wanted to say âscrewedâ or âfucked,â but fatherâs terminology was most influential. I knew the other guys laughed behind my back when I used the word âpenisâ for âprick,â or âvorginaâ for âcunt.â) Ursula wanted to describe each date to me, but I started acting bored and disinterested. She was always eager to hear about my dates, though. One night I told her I was taking Miriam Cohen to the drive-in. We were doubling up with Tony Martin, who had a station wagon.
âHow could she go out with you? Every time I look at her in school, I think of that day when you snuck in on us and played with her ass.â
âSheâs forgotten, I guess. Or else the memory excites her.â
âBut sheâs so ugly and she has that bad acne all over her forehead and on her neck.â
âI can handle it.â My revelation was having just the effect I thought it would have on Ursula.
âYou must be getting desperate. Whatâs the matter with Cora?â
âIâm tired of her.â
âAre you really attracted to Miriam Cohen?â
âEvery girl is a new adventure for me.â
âBullshit,â Ursula said. âI donât believe you.â
âSuit yourself.â
When I came home that night, she was waiting for me in my room. I know she heard me come in, but she pretended to be asleep in my bed. I went to the bathroom, got undressed, slipped on pajama bottoms and came out. She was still lying there with her eyes closed. So I sat on the bed and acted as though I didnât even notice her. When I slipped under the covers, she opened her eyes and stretched.
âWhat time is it?â
âOne-fifteen.â
âHow was your date with Miriam?â she asked, sitting up quickly. As usual, she had crawled under my covers naked.
âVery bad. She was a virgin.â
âDonât tell me you didnât expect that.â
âLetâs just say I had my suspicions.â
âSo?â She was waiting for me to go on, but I didnât respond. âWhat didja do?â
âI was going ahead with it anyway, but
Roderick Gordon, Brian Williams