Play With You (Loneliness) by Alison Cole Read Free Book Online Page A

find out that Marcus is twelve years older than me, I have to stop and catch my breath. Oh, my God! He's so vital and energetic, both in and out of bed. We keep up with each other, although at times, we do exhaust each other.
    Several months into our secret relationship, I realize just how special Marcus is becoming to me. His presence in my life is significant and I don't want to lose that. Therefore, it's quite ironic that I don't want to lose him, but I realize that something's going to have to give.
    I come to this realization when Nigel joins us at one of our practices. He and Tim tell us that they have set up a lengthy tour throughout the U.S. This is our dream come true! I have always dreamed of touring the U.S. music mecca as a British musical artist. So, when Nigel tells us what's pending, I jump, holler and whoop with the rest of the lads. In the back of my mind, I realize that, if Marcus joins us in the U.S., we won't be able to sleep together - which means we're going to have to admit to everything to Tim, Linny and Laslow.
    In my flat that night, Marcus and I are cuddling on my couch when I broach the topic.
    "If you're going to join us on tour, we're going to have to admit to our relationship. Or everyone's going to get a rude shock when they see one of us coming out of the other's room some morning," I tell Marcus.
    "Whoa, I'm glad you brought this up. They're not going to be happy, regardless of how they learn we're a couple."
    A couple! We're not just shacking up - we're actually a couple!
    "D'you want to join us on tour?" I ask.
    "Definitely! I'm just warning you what's going to happen and it's not going to be pleasant," Marcus says.
    "So, this is where your 12-year advantage on me is what you're leaning on?"
    "You have a lot of experience of the world, Johanna, but in matters like this, a revelation such as you want to make will backfire on both of us."
    "Hmmm. I think differently, Marcus. I feel like once we admit to them that we've become a couple, they'll know we're serious about each other and not just fooling around."
    "Please give this a little more thought, luv. I...care deeply for you and I don't want to lose this special relationship we have. If you decide you must tell, let me know first - so I can pull both of us out of the way," warns Marcus.
    This is our first real disagreement. We both have different views of the same situation. We don't argue, per se, but we do fail to agree on the question at hand.
    I ponder this thought as we sit cuddled together on the couch. We're both so stressed out and worried about our future to the extent that, when we begin to make love, we forget to use a condom. It's only after we come that we realize this.
    "Oh, my God, Johanna...I...I forgot to put a condom on," Marcus says.
    I have never been pregnant, so I don't know how this works. I try to figure out my fertile time versus my non-fertile time, but can't get the two to mesh.
    "Well, maybe nothing will happen," I tell him. Still, rather than cuddling with him as I normally do, I get up in a fit of panic.
    Marcus sits up and I see his gorgeous, muscular chest with that colorful griffin inked into his skin. He holds his arms out to me.
    "Come here. Cuddle with me and sit upright," he says softly. "Maybe that'll work."
    I return to my bed and nestle into Marcus' side. I sigh. "I'll think about what you said, but I can't get past the thought that, if we're in a hotel in, say, Washington, D.C. or New York City, we'll be found out," I tell him. "It's a good thing we have a few concerts left here. We'll get through those and I'll think about what we discussed. Maybe we'll come up with a different idea before we leave the U.K.," I tell him.
    The next few concerts go really well, although I really do have to work on maintaining my focus. I catch Tim looking at me and realize I'd better get my head back on straight! From that time on, I am all present, all the time.
    After one concert, Marcus disappears around the corner