Pygmy by Chuck Palahniuk Read Free Book Online Page A

“No, comrade.”
    In order gain training organic chemistry or nuclear particle flux statistics, must engage too many idiot ritual: paint picture, volleyball, make waltz, craft poetry, participate dodge-ball, scream idiot songs, torture violin or piano using many false note. Total most today, many useless task. Worst ever torture to watch youth wasted.
    Worst wasted time, how idiot song occupy head of operative me. Song involving how dangle in side-to-side motion from distant solar body, next convey illuminations of lunar body to domicile contained in glass vessel… idiot song drive all useful knowledge from head. “Junior Swing Choir” a conspiracy oppress American youths, create them future slave workforce, singing million idiot song during labor of fryingmeat burgers. Dunking fried potato of France deep in bin boiling fat.
    Whisper of Magda say, “Operative Chernok by current now seeded often several American female.” Say, “Operative Mang planted embryo own host mother.”
    Magda insist phase first must soon complete. Say, “Comrade, seeded you own host sister?”
    For official record, effect worst—idiot song flush from head of operative me most irregular verbs Mandarin Chinese. Erode all knowledge Portuguese. Idiot lyric overwhelm understanding of advanced field equations calculus. Overpower and devastate to oblivion stored memory to operate Iranian-manufactured Khaybar KH2002 medium-barrel assault rifle. Crowd until no longer recall how many rounds per minute capable firing Ukrainian Vepr assault rifle.
    For official record, only inside head of operative me, say,
No. This agent no fornicate atop cat sister
. Only instead report own status, in retort say, “Comrade agent thirty-six?” Say, “Mindful of own mission, carry you current now American embryo?”
    No retort. Merely bellowing crowd American prince and princess, perfumed in misery of third-world labor—sewed bright garments. Trouser shivering of plastic telephone apparatus, await reply. Other youth thumbing keyboard to build English printed words, convey instant message.
    Clouded within fog of idiot singing, whisper of operative Magda say, “No, have received no American seed…” Say, “However, formulate major plan to acquire.”
    Fence row, erected immediate front of me, back shoulders and neck of host sister. Smell melted lead metal smoke. Hair gathered to plummet down sister backbone.
    From behind, Magda say, “Priority first, must each generateAmerican anchor baby.” Whisper quote famed radical anarchist Mikhail Bakunin, say, ‘“The passion of destruction is also a creative passion.’”
    In front, trouser of cat sister vibrate. Hand of sister snake to retrieve telephone from own pocket. Eyes look message words printed in English. Replace telephone into trouser.
    Magda whisper, hot breathing at ear, “Must quick, Pumping Rabbit Maneuver,
squirt-squirt
, plant seed into her!”
    Quote, “The passion of destruction is also a creative passion.”
    Next now, cat sister swivel neck to eye operative me. Craning neck to eye backward over own shoulder, host sister say, “Pygmy?” Say more loud to battle against singing noise, say, “Trevor Stonefield just texted me…” Utilizing own hand, cat sister finger fast contact own forehead, contact sternum, contact left deltoid, contact right deltoid—superstition gesture—hand describing shape of fake torture man burdening sticks. Fashion eyes wide, say, “Watch out for Trevor in dodgeball, okay?”

Dispatch
Seventh
    Begins here seventh account of operative me, agent number 67, seated among sleeping chamber of host sister. Domestic structure Cedar. Suburb community. Date. For official record, night of today host cat sister absorb all light.
    Host cat sister apply face with black paint, all layer black, surround mouths, eyes, to make white tooth shine bright, white eye appear vast blinking minstrel show. Arms and legs appareled black blouse and trouser. Feet, black shod. Black blouse