Quirks & Kinks by Laurel Ulen Curtis Read Free Book Online

my face leaving behind some rusty dust from the bed of the old pickup I was weighing down.
    “Don’t worry, Abby. A woman’s body is made to do this. It’s natural.”
    “Fuck. You,” I said through gritted teeth, which if you asked me, added to the realism of the situation and might have even made it more relatable for viewers.
    I knew we were taking a few liberties and ad libbing a bit compared to the conversation that had played out between the real Mike and Abby, but Jesus, I was fed up with the jerk.
    “Cut!”
    Apparently, the director didn’t appreciate the value of viewer empathy like I did.
    “While telling Mike to fuck off might be the way of reality-”
    So he did appreciate it.
    “-the network won’t allow it. So clean it up, please.”
    Ugh, fine.
    Abby was a patient woman, spending her years going to great lengths to please her man. But she’d admitted to me, that night, in the middle of nowhere and in the midst of labor, she didn’t exactly keep her cool. She just didn’t do it with the same amount of vulgarity as I did.
    “You think you can manage being a little gentler with my fingers?” Ryder demanded callously. “It feels like you’re going to snap them off.”
    “Yeah, well, if I were Abby and you were Mike, your fingers wouldn’t be the only thing I’d be snapping off.”
    “You just want to touch me,” he taunted ignorantly, reminding me of the way he’d been touching me without reason and without my permission all freaking day long.
    The saddest part of my psyche couldn’t accept the fact that he probably had women crawling all over him. The pretty package of his exterior did a good job of hiding the stupid. At least until he opened his mouth.
    “I swear on my future ability to bear children that I would rather bathe in a vat of acid than have any sexual contact with you.”
    He opened his mouth to spew some hate filled cut down, but Howie beat him to the punch.
    “Action!”
    Blocking out the less than appealing surroundings, company, and paraphernalia, I tunneled deep into myself and got that shit done. By some miracle, the determination I had to finish that take translated into the determination Abby had to deliver that baby.
    Clown-sex day from hell: over.

“I’M EASIE REYNOLDS, AND you’re watching Quirks and Kinks,” the TV version of me trilled obnoxiously from the far corner of my living room as the first episode aired five days later.
    Hand resting protectively over my eyes, I moaned and cringed all at once. “Ughhh, God, I sound freaking ridiculous.”
    Ashley’s chuckle was an interesting mix of disbelieving and amused. “Um, all you’ve done is introduce yourself. You haven’t even had the chance to sound like an idiot yet.”
    “Give it time.”
    Her laughter rolled all the way out of her body and into mine, practically filling the space with her mood. “Geez. Maybe you should go outside and smoke or something. You’re awfully critical for so early on.”
    “Good idea. But after the show. I don’t want to miss anything.”
    If she laughed at me one more time, I was pretty sure I could charge her an admission fee for the comedy show tonight.
    “You’re not even watching. You have your hands over your eyes!”
    “I’m listen-watching,” I justified.
    “You’re crazy.”
    “I know,” I admitted, squeezing my eyes so tight that my cheeks puffed and pushed up into them. “It’s just scary.”
    And for most of the filming of the show, all I was feeling was a slow burning fury at my co-star. I didn’t think that was really the quality of chemistry Howie was looking to achieve. I’d had major fake love for Ryder and his big obnoxious clown shoes. I was just hoping I’d pretended convincingly enough.
    “Today we follow the story of Mike and Abby, and how their long-time interest in wearing clown paraphernalia during intercourse took an unexpected turn,” my voice explained.
    “Good job keeping a straight face during that one,” Ashley