Real World by Natsuo Kirino Read Free Book Online

what I’d done and she gave me this sort of what-are-you-talking-about look, I felt uneasy. Like because of this whole incident I’ve been expelled to some universe far away from the world Toshi lives in. It’s not like I feel alienated from her or anything. It’s more like from this point on, the two of us were going to walk down very different paths.

With all these worries running through my head, I hurried down the dark road. The neighborhood was quiet. I was afraid there might be cops staking out Worm’s house, but there were only a few office types coming from the station. The trees that hung over the road gave off a heavy dampness, like when rain has just let up. The ground was still midsummer hot, and I felt like my body was slicing through the wet air.

In earth sciences class we learned that only fifty percent of the sun’s energy reaches the surface of the earth. Our teacher printed up two graphs on his computer to explain it to us. “This one’s the breast of a young woman, this one, that of an old granny,” he explained, a serious look on his face. The young woman graph was supposed to show how the heat energy accumulates a lot around the equator, while the old woman graph was flat and showed solar energy radiating away. How dumb can you get, I thought, but there were only five of us in the class so we all had to pretend it was funny. The teacher himself said that explaining things like that might constitute sexual harassment. Like I cared. What a loser.

He went on, saying, “At the equator the amount of heat absorbed is more than the heat radiated away, so it’s a heat source. The polar regions are the opposite—they’re cold sources.” A cold source. The vague thought crossed my mind then that that’s exactly what I’d been back then. By then I mean my mom’s death and one other thing that happened. I was just radiating away heat, like the poles, and in my whole life I’d never be warm. That made me sad, and I got depressed.

Toshi, Terauchi, and Kirarin all have both parents and pretty affluent families, and I doubt whether they have the kind of worries I have. After my mother died I was left with my pain-in-the-butt dad, and grandparents who worry over everything. I doubt they have any idea how I really feel.

Sometimes my friends will start to say something about their mothers, then notice my expression and get all flustered. Before this happens, though, I try to say something, something stupid like my teacher said. Or even dumber. Or else fill in the gap by asking something about their mothers, like, “Hey, Kirarin, is your mom coming to the school festival or what?” Is there any other high school student who has to be walking on ice like this all the time? What a joke.

I feel so alone. And there’s a good reason for this. Mom’s death only made me lonelier, lonelier than anybody. Worm felt a little lonely and killed his mom, perfecting his solitude. I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I want to perfect mine, too. Maybe life would be easier then. I’ve only talked about this with Terauchi—not because she’s so gloomy, but because her gloominess and mine are similar. Toshi and Kirarin are too gentle and kind to talk to about this. I figure being gentle means you must be happy. Terauchi, though, is more edgy. I like the edgy, risky types, and feel closer to her. But I haven’t told her yet about Worm. I’m not sure why.

The cell phone in my pack buzzed against my back. I stopped, took it out, and saw that I had a text message.

Thanks for the bike and phone. I’ve come to Iruma, but got tired so I stopped at a convenience store. I’ll rest for an hour and then take off again.

It was from Worm. I lied when I told Toshi I’d given Worm my cell phone. She’ll find out someday, but she looked so astonished I couldn’t tell her the truth. Actually, I bought him a new cell phone. But lending him my bike—that part’s true. Don’t worry about it, I told him, you can