Regeneration X by Ellison Blackburn Read Free Book Online Page A

of a century old, I manned the wheel of a boat on Lake Maggiore while my friends laid on the deck absorbing the sun. I lived in an Italian villa for three weeks, each night going to a different grotto and movie at the film festival in town, and fell in love with a French-speaking Italian boy.
    “It’s hard not to still think of young men as boys at my age. Anyway, Laurens was extraordinary. He was studying to become a marine biologist and told me some day he would live in Australia to be near the Great Barrier Reef. I admired his passion and confidence.
    “I had gone to Italy with my boyfriend at the time, Miles. I don’t think Miles had ever felt jealousy before. He had never allowed anyone to get close enough him to have been affected by the green-eyed monster. He enjoyed the concept of sexual freedom when the idea applied to him. He and I soon found that the same philosophy was not so appealing in practice for me.
    “He said Laurens wasn’t just any guy. He actually referred to Laurens as his nemesis. I always thought it was more along the lines of Laurens’ Moriarty to Miles’ Sherlock, but apparently, it was baser than this. Laurens had stolen his girlfriend in fifth grade, and since a childhood crush does not count for much as an adult, he said this was more like competitiveness. He requested that if I was going to experiment at all, I experiment with anyone except Laurens.
    “Never before had I considered an open relationship could apply to me, it wasn’t my personal philosophy, but at this point I wanted them both. I wasn’t the type back then to let others make and change the rules, at least not unless I had thought it through for myself. So for my part, I had my own choice to make.
    “Miles was debonair, a genius on the verge of madness, and profound. Laurens was intriguing, romantic, and somewhat of a dreamer. I flirted with Laurens and the idea, but in the end, I decided it really wasn’t in me. The point is I felt free to make choices and I was young and excited about life,” she concluded her account of those memories. “I had experienced something to make me rethink an idea I had previously cast aside and I still found myself.”
    Dr. Baum had been listening attentively. “And would you describe this time in your life as happy when compared with your present?”
    “Well, happy is as you said, transient, and I define it more as an extended period of joy.   I’m a bit wary of using the word—it gets thrown around.
    “It wasn’t perfect, but it was consuming. I’d never felt so deeply before and would not again, for a long time, if ever. Miles and I dated for over four years, our relationship deteriorated as we grew distrusting of one another.” Again, she felt drained and wondered why she was so emotional, after all this time.
    “Charley, I think we’ve made a very good start. I want you to think about what made you feel so alive when you were with Miles, and specifically, when you met Laurens. Let’s talk about this at our next appointment.
    “Also something else for you to think about: could the distrust which ended your relationship have been based on the difference in Miles’ and your own philosophies? Or was it something else?”
    She was sure she could provide ready answers now, but she wrote down those questions for careful consideration.
    Handing her a yellow pad of paper, he then asked, “In these last few minutes, would you write down briefly your impression of our session today?”
    “What do you mean, ‘impression’? If I liked it? If I would return or recommend you to others?”
    “No, I should have been clearer. I don’t mean a review so I can post it on my website or social media.
    “I meant, your perspective on what we accomplished—or didn’t—today. I realize it’s just the beginning, but even initially, your viewpoint is a helpful to guide any progress or digressions we take in our sessions.”
    This explained the handwritten notes the receptionist had