Regeneration X by Ellison Blackburn Read Free Book Online Page B

been transcribing. Charley was again impressed and pleased. As far as therapists went, Dr. Baum did not conform to stereotypes. He seemed truly interested in his patients, and obviously did not just collect the payment and dismiss them after they walked out of his office.
    December 7, 2024
    Even if Dr. Baum finds me sick in the head (I’m kidding), I must say I enjoyed the discussion very much. First off, the choice I made in not pursuing anything further with Laurens served only to delay Miles’ and my breakup is an intriguing idea. I imagined the distrust wasn’t linked to that bit of jealously at all, but I see now how it could have begun there.
    Aside from this, it’s also become quite plain that I’m boring and unmotivated. It’s not just about the choices I’ve made, it’s about who I’ve allowed myself to become despite those choices. And now my helplessness has become my vice, and it probably affects how I approach life and the risks I’m willing to take.  
    Life’s opportunities have become dull because I have.  
    I guess part of me has known this. I’d terminated some friendships and stopped truly communicating with those few who remained close to me. But is it too late to get my life back? Or is this just another thing that I can’t do anything about now?
    All of the relationships I had at the time were strong and deep. I miss that. I miss them—Abby, Henry, Nate, Megan, and June. They’re still my social media profile contacts, but they’ve moved on with their lives, and, while they appear to be having a good life, I don’t know for sure; I don’t really know them anymore. Social media is such a partial view, it’s a self-marketing tool, not unlike to decorating; people post what they want others to see. They are not my HaloYou friends, though.
    It’s not that my friendships now are lacking. Inez and Becks are fantastic. I’m different and this makes my relationships different. I don’t have much to offer.
    It really all began when I quit my job at Advent Marketing to work for POV. I used to meet people and do social things. So, I keep thinking it has to be my job now. I dug myself a hole and I’ve been standing in it for too long. I know it’s just crumbly dirt, but walls are walls, and I keep to the center in order to stay clean.
    But what can I do? Haven’t I tried everything? Let’s see, I’ve applied for other work, researched ways to change POV, I’ve even considered going back to school—getting an MBA, teaching certificates … What else is there? Maybe I need to think bigger and take some drastic measures, instead of looking for something as a fallback. I need to provoke some real change and take a somewhat calculated risk.
    Step one, send a connection request to all my ‘friends’ on HaloYou and add a recent virtyou video.
    See, I don’t want this, I want things back to the way they were—not virtual anything.
    You know what? I don’t think ‘old’ people like me use HaloYou.

Chapter Five
    I rather would entreat thy company
    To see the wonders of the world abroad,
    Than, living dully sluggardized at home,
    Wear out thy youth with shapeless idleness.
    —William Shakespeare, The Two Gentlemen of Verona (1.1)
    ・・・
    CHARLEY FOUND HERSELF DWELLING ON HER MEETING with Dr. Baum and what she’d written in her journal. Both had produced a new excitement, an inkling of possibility, an ever so fragile realization that she might have some control of her life. Think bigger. Do I quit my job? Her job was always the glaring solution and she needed an excuse, something to empower her to get past the biggest downer of them all.
    Her rational ego said, “ We have some savings, although, of course, we wouldn’t want to use all of it. ” There was also her retirement plan savings, which they could cash out and use towards anything since a base income was established in 2021 for all U.S. citizens. (For those employed this meant that what they earned from salary or wages was