Science...For Her! by Megan Amram Read Free Book Online

success, and a family! You don’t have to give up anything in your life for a family if you die during birth. Giving birth is a great way to lose five to ten pounds immediately, and dying in childbirth is a great way to lose one hundred to two hundred pounds forever! Plus, how cute will it be when your husband has to take care of your child by himself, figuring out how to juggle mac ’n’ cheese with grief counseling with ballet lessons? Mr. Mom much!

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    5. KILL YOURSELF AT YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND’S WEDDING
    Girls run the world, and any guy who has mistreated you needs to know that. One surefire way to send your ex a message is to kill yourself at his wedding to whatever new slampiece he’s found to degrade. Make sure to wear something form-fitting and sexy to the wedding (lavender sheaths are in this spring)—you want your ex to know what he’s missing. FOREVER .
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    4. DIE DURING SEX
    This is where things get a little NSFW! There are plenty of kinky sex moves you can do to please your man (the Tommy Tutone, the Chicken of the Sea, the Reverse Schiavo, et cetera). But how kinky will it be when you die below (or on top of, you Annie Oakley you!) him during sex? There are a few ways to accomplish death during sex: you could choke, drown, get hit by a train, or your guy could stab you in the heart with his extremely pointy dick! Pick the way that’s right for you! It’s important that you feel comfortable while you’re dying during sex.
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    3. RECTAL CANCER
    And who says women can’t be funny? It’s taken years, but women are finally being recognized as the true comic forces that they are. Show that you’re just as funny and crude as any man by dying from butthole cancer. Men, look out—women are the queens of potty humor now! And we sit down to do it!
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    2. PROSTATE CANCER
    It’s the twenty-first century—women can do whatever men can do! Up until now, girls have been led to believe they can only die from “ladylike” cancers like breast and ovarian. If women can live like men, they can die like men. Get prostate cancer—show your husband who wears the chemo smock in your relationship!

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    1. CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
    And the most glamorous way to die this spring? Capital punishment! Can anyone say “last meal”? Let’s just hope it’s on one of your carb cheat days!

Single-Celled Orgasms . . . Excuse Me, That’s Organisms! Oops, My Bad! ;)
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    Oops, what a SEXY TYPO! ;) I call those “sexpos,” which is short for “sexpographical error.” Feel free to use “sexpographical error” as part of your daily sexicon (“sexually charged lexicon”). Here’s a cheat sheet to remember the difference between organisms and orgasms! FIG. 1.20
    FIG. 1.20
    ORGANISMS vs . ORGASMS
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ORGANISMS:
ORGASMS:
are any contiguous living system (such as animal, fungus, microorganism, or plant).
are the sudden discharge of accumulated sexual tension during the sexual response cycle, resulting in rhythmic muscular contractions in the pelvic region and characterized by sexual pleasure.
FEMALE ORGASMS:
FEMALE ORGANISMS:
exist.
don’t exist (MORE ON THIS LATER).

You and Me Baby Ain’t Nothing but Mammals, Reptiles, Invertebrates, Birds, Fish, or Amphibians or Other Various Animals!
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    Breaking news: animals are cute. The method of naming and classifying the animal kingdom is called taxonomic hierarchy . The hierarchy is as follows, from largest to smallest: Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, and Species . There are a lot of fun (and flirty!) mnemonic ways to remember the sequence of the taxonomic hierarchy. One of the most popular ones is King Phillip Came Over From Great Spain. Now, I don’t want to be too gossipy, but let’s just say that’s not the only thing King Phillip Came Over! ;) And here’s a fun one I just made up: Kiss Penis-Cocks On Full Gag Speed. That’s also a good mnemonic to remember how to properly give (pardon my French) fellatio! I really apologize for the crudeness of