Secondhand Souls by Christopher Moore Read Free Book Online Page A

around the city in the shadows. They could help. We could help.”
    “No.” Minty Fresh turned to leave, bent to go through the door. He’d learned his lesson about the hundred-year-old doorways in this place before. There was still a forehead-shaped dent in the woodwork above the kitchen door from when he’d stormed in here to save Charlie the first time.
    Charlie jumped off the table and scampered after the big man. “Fresh, my daughter needs me! She doesn’t even know I’m alive.”
    “Well, go see her.”
    “I can’t go see her like this.”
    “She’ll be fine. Kids are resilient.” He didn’t know anything about kids, but he’d heard people say that. “She’ll understand. She’s the Big Death .”
    “No she’s not. She seems to have lost her—well—powers; she’s just a normal kid. Her hellhounds disappeared, and if the Underworld is rising again, she won’t have anyone to protect her.”
    Fresh stopped but didn’t turn. “I don’t mean to be critical, Asher, ’cause I know you got a lot on your mind, but that’s the part of the story you lead with.”
    “Sorry.” Charlie stood in the entry to the parlor. Audrey joined him.
    “Calling you was my idea,” said Audrey.
    “So,” said Minty, “the one thing that was supposed to end all this light versus dark, manifestation of the Underworld on earth, crazy shit that went down a year ago, the rise of the Luminatus , that has been undone?”
    “Apparently,” said Charlie.
    Minty turned to them now and began to count on his fingers. “So there’s a banshee loose in the city, warning of coming doom. You, Rivera, and possibly many other Death Merchants have not been collecting soul vessels for over a year, and we don’t know what happened to the souls of all those who died in the city during that year. You don’t even have a shop anymore to exchange the vessels if you were collecting them. And the only thing that was keeping the forces of darkness at bay has been demoted to, what, a first grader?”
    “Second,” said Charlie. “But she’s in the advanced reading group.”
    “So, really, we are totally, completely fucked. And by we , I mean everybody.”
    “Pretty much,” said Charlie, nodding furiously enough that his jaw flapped a little.
    “Life is suffering,” said Audrey, cheerfully.
    Fresh nodded. “All right, then. I’ll call you with the names.”
    “Just like that?”
    “I have to collect the souls anyway. I find someone in my book is young, healthy, male, and what else?”
    Charlie started to untie his robe again, “One about this size if—”
    Audrey interrupted, “Just the name and address if you have it. We’ll see if we can find any Death Merchants.”
    “Yeah, you gonna have a hard enough time convincing someone they are going to die so they need to vacate their body so the wizard lizard there can move in.”
    He turned to leave, then stopped and looked over his shoulder. “Oh, did I tell you that the Emperor is making a list of all of the city’s dead?”
    “What for?”
    “No fucking idea, I just didn’t want you to be the only one got to whip out a surprise.” He laughed—the resigned laugh of the doomed—as he walked out.
    Outside on the street he paused by the door of the great bloodred Caddy as he fished in his jacket pocket for his keys. Fog had rolled up out of the bay at sundown and was drifting in a misty wave from the south. On this street they had come for Charlie, the Morrigan, snaking out of the sewer grates at either end of the block, singing their taunts even as Fresh was bearing down on them in the Caddy—screeching in anger and agony as he ran them over, the claws of one raking into the metal of the Caddy’s hood as she was dragged under the bumper, the other tearing at the rear fender as his tires burned across her back. The guy at the body shop said the fender looked like it had been attacked by a grizzly bear. He’d never seen anything like it. “Me either,” Minty had said.