S.E.C.R.E.T.: An Erotic Novel by L. Marie Adeline Read Free Book Online Page A

alive.”
    “Ten?”
    “Well, technically there are nine fantasies. The tenth Step is a decision. You can
     either stay in S.E.C.R.E.T. for one year, recruiting other women like you, training
     fantasy participants, or helping other members facilitate fantasies. Or you can decide
     to bring your sexual knowledge into your own world, perhaps into a loving relationship.”
    Over Matilda’s right shoulder through the courtyard window, I could see more women
     of various ages, colors and sizes filing by twos and threes through the gate. I could
     hear them entering the lobby, laughing and chatting.
    “Is that the Committee?”
    “Yes. Shall we join them?”
    “Wait. This is all moving a little too fast. I need to ask: if I say yes, what exactly
     happens then?”
    “Everything you want. Nothing you don’t,” she replied. “Yes or no, Cassie. It really
     is that simple.”
    My body was all in, but my mind finally freed itself from its temporary restraints
     and unleashed its doubts.
    “But I don’t even
know
you! I don’t know who you are, who those women are. And I’m supposed to sit here
     and tell you my deepest, most private sex fantasies? And I don’t even know that I
     have any, let alone
nine
, since I’ve only ever slept with
one
man, my whole life, ever. So how can I say yes or no to
any
of this?”
    Matilda remained placid through my little rant, the way a good mother will stay present
     during a toddler’s tantrum. Nothing I said could turn my body around and take it home
     now, and I knew it. So did she. My poor mind was losing this fight.
    “Yes or no, Cassie,” Matilda said again.
    I looked around the room, at the bookshelf behind me, the antique windows facing the
     courtyard, the wall of hedges, then back to Matilda’s kind face. I needed to be touched.
     I needed to let a man loose on my body before itdied a slow and lonely death. This felt like something that had to be done
to
me.
With
me.
    “Yes.”
    She gently clapped her hands once.
    “I’m so glad. Oh, and it’s supposed to be fun, Cassie. It
will
be fun!”
    With that, Matilda removed a small booklet from her desk drawer and slid it in front
     of me. It had the same burgundy cover as Pauline’s journal, only it was longer and
     thinner, like a checkbook.
    “I am going to leave you alone so you can fill out this brief questionnaire. It will
     give us a sense of what you’re looking for, of what you … like. And where you’re at.
     You will write down specific fantasies later. But this is a start. Take fifteen minutes.
     Just be honest. I’ll come get you when you’re done. The Committee is assembling. Tea?
     Coffee?”
    “Tea would be nice,” I said, feeling very tired.
    “Cassie, fear is the only thing that stands between you and your real life. Remember
     that.”
    After she left, I was so jittery that I couldn’t even look at the booklet. I got up
     and walked over to a bookshelf at the back of the office. What I thought was a set
     of encyclopedias turned out to be bound copies of
The Complete Kama Sutra
,
The Joy of Sex
,
Lady Chatterley’s Lover
,
My Secret Garden
,
The Happy Hooker
,
Fanny Hill
, and the
Story of O
, some of the books I used to find at the homes where I babysat when I was a teenager,
     books I’d scan and that would leave me confused as I was driven home by the parents
     late at night.They were bound in the same burgundy leather as the booklet and journal, the titles
     embossed in gold. I ran a finger across them, took a deep breath, and then went back
     to my seat.
    I sat down and opened the booklet.
    What you have in your hands is completely confidential. Your answers are for you and
     for the Committee only. No one else will see your responses. For S.E.C.R.E.T. to help
     you, we must know more about you. Be thorough, be honest, be fearless. Please begin:
    What followed was a list of questions, with space between each for the answers. The
     questions made me dizzy with their specificity. Just as