I tested the pen, there was
a soft knock at the door.
“Come in?”
Danica’s black bob peered around the door. “Sorry to interrupt,” she said. “Matilda
said you wanted some tea?”
“Oh, thanks.”
She entered and gently placed a silver tea set in front of me.
“Danica, have you done this? This
thing
?”
She smiled a big smile.
“Nope. See?” she said, holding up her bare wrist. “No bracelet for me. That’s how
you know. Matilda says I may never need to join if I play my cards right from the
start with my boyfriend. Plus, you have to be, like, old—over thirty. But I think
it’s really cool,” she added, every inch thetwenty-one-or-two-year-old she probably was. “Just answer honestly, Cassie. Everything
after that will be easy. That’s what Matilda always says.”
Then she turned and walked out, closing the door behind her and leaving me alone again
with the questionnaire and my racing mind.
You can do this, Cassie
. And so I began.
1. How many lovers have you had? Who is your ideal lover physically? Please specify
height, weight, hair color, penis size and any other physical preferences
.
2. Can you reach orgasm through vaginal sex?
3. Do you enjoy oral sex (getting)? Do you enjoy oral sex (giving)? Explain
.
4. How often do you masturbate? Preferred method?
5. Have you ever had a one-night stand?
6. Do you tend to make the first move when you are attracted to someone?
7. Have you had sex with a woman, or with more than one partner at the same time?
Explain
.
8. Have you had anal sex? Did you enjoy it? If not, why not?
9. What type of birth control do you use?
10. What do you consider your personal erogenous zones?
11. What are your thoughts on pornography?
And on and on and on.
Do you enjoy sex on your period? Dirty talk? S&M? Bondage? Lights on or off?
… This was what I had been most afraid of: feeling over my head. It was like thoseawful dreams of surprise quizzes that I was plagued by after I left university. I
had had exactly
one
sex partner. I had no idea about penis preference, and anal sex was an exotic, remote
idea, up there with tattooing my face and shoplifting. But I had to answer honestly.
What’s the worst thing that could happen? That they would discover my complete sexual
ineptitude and usher me to the door? Thinking about that made the rest of the exercise
seem ludicrously fun. After all, what did I have to lose? After all, wasn’t I here
because of my sexual inexperience?
I started with the simplest question, the first one, which was easy enough—
One
. I have had
one
lover. Scott. One. And only one. As for my physical type, I thought of all the movie
stars and musicians that I found attractive and surprised myself by filling the entire
space with names and ideals. Then I moved on to the next question: vaginal orgasms?
I skipped it. I had no idea. The one about erogenous zones almost had me scanning
the bookshelf for a dictionary. I couldn’t answer that. Nor the next one, nor the
one about being with women. I answered the rest as best I could. Finally I turned
to the last page in the booklet, where there was a blank space for me to add any other
thoughts.
I am trying hard to answer these questions, but I have only had sex with my husband.
We mostly did it missionary style. Maybe two times a week when we first got married.
After that, maybe once a month. The light was often off. Sometimes I had an orgasm … I
think. I’m not sure; maybe I wasfaking. Scott never went down on me. I have … touched myself now and again. It’s been
a long time since I’ve done that, though. Scott always wanted me to put him in my
mouth. I did it, for a while, but I couldn’t do that again after he hit me. I couldn’t
do anything with him after he hit me. He died almost four years ago. It has been longer
than that since I last had sex. I am sorry, but I can’t finish this test, even though
I’m trying my