Shadows by Amber Lacie Read Free Book Online Page B

doesn't say anything. He just kisses me softly
and rolls to his side tying a knot in the condom and tossing it to
the small trash can on the floor. He pulls me up onto the pillow
beside him and his arms with his front to my back. I'm exhausted
and worn out. Laying there trying to steady my breathing, I welcome
the sleep that comes to claim me.

Chapter 4
    E verything is red. I know I'm looking for someone, but
I can't see them. My vision starts to come into focus, and I see
it’s my hands that are red. Looking down I see Matt staring up at
me. His eyes and chest are motionless. I'm screaming for someone,
anyone to help me. People keep walking past and then suddenly we
are surrounded by bright lights. I can hear people talking and they
take Matt from me. I scream at them to fix him. I desperately want
him back. They lay him on bed and close dark grey curtains around
him. Someone is holding me back and I drop to my knees. I'm begging
for someone to help me. I'm screaming and no one is listening. Sobs
wrack my body as I completely lose my mind.
    "Eve, shh. Eve, its okay. It’s over. I have
you, babe. Open your eyes for me."
    I wake up to Theron holding me against his
chest while rocking me back and forth. I'm crying uncontrollably.
Wrapping my hands around him, I bury my face in his neck. He tucks
my hair behind my ears and makes soft circles on my back with his
hands. He says nothing as he holds me while I cry.
    I have no idea how long we sit like this. My
legs, bent underneath me, are starting to go numb. I need to
stretch my muscles, but I feel so incredibly weighted down. Taking
a deep breath, I lift my head to look up at him. I study his face
rubbing my hands across it. His jaw is perfectly squared and his
stubble is so soft under my fingers. Stopping at his lips, I rub my
thumb across them as he presses a soft kiss on it. I run my hands
through his hair as I look into his amazing eyes. One is such a
bright green and the other is such a deep golden brown. They
mesmerize me. I press my forehead against his. He feels so right,
but I feel so guilty.
    "I shouldn't be feeling like this." I bite my
bottom lip trying to hold back tears.
    He looks straight into my eyes. "Feeling like
what, babe? It's okay to hurt. It's okay to grieve."
    "No, that's not what I mean at
all."
    "Then, what?"
    "It's you, damn it. I shouldn't be feeling
happy or warm or comforted. I shouldn't be rolling around laughing
on some guy's floor I just met. I shouldn't be having sex with
someone when I just watched my friend die in my arms only a few
hours ago. I just shouldn't. "
    "Why shouldn't you? I'm not saying everything
should be fucking sunshine and butterflies, but you are allowed to
feel, Eve. You have to. I know this hard. It fucking sucks, but you
have done nothing wrong." He lifts my chin with his fingers. "You
have done nothing wrong. Tell me, Eve, tell me you know you have
done nothing wrong."
    "I can't. I fucking can't!" Screaming at him,
I smack his hands away. I stand up and frantically get dressed. As
I pull on his t-shirt over my head, I turn to face him. He's
sitting on the bed staring at me with a hurt look in his eyes. I
don’t know if it's for me or caused by me.
    "Tell me, Eve. Tell me you haven't done
anything wrong." Pulling his jeans up, he walks over to me. He
reaches for me and I push him away. I don't want to be touched. I
don't want to feel this good, when I know I shouldn't
be.
    "I said I fucking can't, okay? What the hell
do you want from me? I feel so guilty. I can't help the way I feel,
Theron. I want to go home and I can't. I want to call my best
friend and I can't. I can't because he's fucking dead! He's fucking
dead because, I couldn't love him the way he needed me to. I
couldn't be his person and I hate myself for it. I just want him
back. Please, Theron, please. I just want him back."
    "Babe, I'm sorry. I can’t bring him back for
you and I think you know that. It's okay to feel angry and hurt.
What do you mean by