Shallow Be Thy Grave by A. J. Taft Read Free Book Online Page B

disgust still etched in her face, as she balanced the ashtray on the arm of the sofa. “Fuck. Do you think we can still smoke it?”
    Lily shrugged. Could they not smoke it, was more to the point. “What does the diary say?”
    Jo licked her lips and then spat onto the palm of her hand. She rubbed her hand down the side of her trousers.
    “Jo,” said Lily, nodding frantically at diary. “Will you read the fecking thing?”
     Jo opened the first page and licked her lips several times. “It starts January. January 22 nd 1990. So, she’d been in Paris, what?” She didn’t wait for Lily to answer. “Almost a year. Anyway.” She cleared her throat in preparation and began to read, “‘Paris 1990. Still feels exciting to write Paris. I live in Paris. New diary. I love the feeling of a new start that always comes with a new diary.  It’s time to move on. My French is pretty good, even if I do say so myself. Went to the bakery today and the cashier didn’t realise I was English at all!! I only bought three croissants and a pain au chocolat, but even so.  Sebastian threw up in the park. I think I’d been pushing him on the roundabout too long.  Grace brought Angelina and Freddie round in the afternoon and the kids played while we moaned. Felt a bit guilty afterwards. Grace is much worse off than I am. Boeuf bourguignon for supper. Delicious.’”
    Jo paused to take another drag on the soap spliff, grimaced and then continued reading, ‘January 29 th . We’re going to a fair at the weekend. I had goat’s cheese with roasted peppers for lunch. Too tangy.’ Jesus, her diary’s almost as dull as her letters. Why write this crap down? Who cares?”
    “Carry on,” said Lily.
    “It’s cold, but not as cold as England, thank God. Dad’s on about me going back. He said, ‘why don’t you come home?’ and at first I didn’t know where he meant. I couldn’t say, I don’t feel like I have a home any more. I’ve told him I’ll think about it. Mum’s staying in America for at least another year, she said.’”
    “January 30 th . ‘Just written to Lily. Don’t know why I bother really. It’s not like she ever writes anything back.’” Jo paused, her cheeks pink. “You want me to carry on?”
    Lily half rose from her chair, reached across and took the spliff out of Jo’s hand before nodding.
    “‘That’s not fair,’” Jo continued to read. “‘She does write, but she doesn’t say anything. Doesn’t tell me what she thinks. I think she wishes she’d never searched for Dad. I think she wishes we’d all just disappear. Grace is seeing this French bloke, Jean Paul. He’s gorgeous. I’ve told her to ask him if he has a friend!! Don’t know what PS would make of that.’” She glanced across at Lily. “PS?”
    Lily shrugged and winced as the taste of soap filled her mouth.
    Jo scanned the next couple of pages. “Boring day. Kids driving me mad. They’re so used to getting their own way. I fantasise about killing them and then one of them will say something really sweet and the guilt is terrible. It’s not their fault they’re such spoiled brats.’” Jo’s eyes flickered down the pages, “Oh, what about this? ‘10th February. I’ve done it again. I’m so ashamed. I can’t tell anyone. I just can’t seem to stop myself. I make all these resolutions and then. God, I hate myself.’”
    “What’s that about?” asked Lily.
    “Dunno. She doesn’t write anything else for a week. ‘Learnt a new French word today. Séduire. It means ‘to seduce’.’”
    Lily wiped her mouth on her sleeve and took a long gulp of cold black coffee to try and get rid of the disgusting taste in her mouth. She passed the spliff back to Jo and leant back in her chair, feeling the familiar sensation of the grass rushing to her head, like something inside her had finally reminded her to breathe, relax, let go. She closed her eyes.
    The sound of banging on the front door jolted her eyes open a second later.