Shark Beast by Russ Cooper Read Free Book Online Page B

over to the front doors, gives a tiny nudge. Pushes open slightly, unlocked.
    Roxy: Oooh! I knew it! Bastard again!
    Annoyed and vengeful, she locks the doors and -- abruptly, tilts her head. Hears something out in the body of the story.
    Roxy: (grinning) Oh. You want to be funny, Mr. Prank Man? Well, let's get funny...
    Gangly-limbed, she darts into the shadows.
    Roxy now stalks the aisles, listening carefully for any clues of -- ahhh, she hears something. Sidles up slyly against the shelves, making her way toward a section from which a long shadow is moving suspiciously.
    Making her way, and, armed with air freshener in hand, LEAPS AROUND CORNER!
    Roxy: AHHHHHHYYY!
    She immediately SUPER-SPRITZES a seemingly endless barrage of air freshener into the CAMERA.
    Which turns out to actually be D. J.
    Who is now on his back, spritzed beyond belief.
    Roxy: (realizing) Are you ... okay?
    D. J.: (groaning) I've been ... disinfected.
    With great annoyance and endless woe-is-me, Roxy helps him up.
    Roxy: Fine. Who cares. Whatever. Let's get out of here.
    They get up, slowly start to head to the back of the store.
    D. J.: (rubbing eyes) That's the last time I go to the bathroom with you...
    They make their way to the back office door--EMPLOYEES ONLY--jostle keys to see who gets to open it--while making sure, of course, to take turns looking over their shoulders--and finally make their stumbling way back into the office, and up the splintery stairs.
    Meanwhile, back at the front of the bookstore...
    Through the front glass windows we see our costumed prankster is outside the store for some reason (carrying a soda), and now when he tries to get back in -- finds the doors are locked.
    We can't hear him, but can't help but see his total frustration as he tries to jiggle the doors open, and when that doesn't work, he shakes his masked face, and -- after a contemplative sip from his soda -- goes off, presumably to find another way into the store.
    And--for the moment, at least--this portion of the horror classic "Dickie Fouls Up The Prank And Gets Locked Outside The Store" SLOWLY FADES...
     

    ~ ~ SEVEN ~ ~
Back Out On The Beach:
A Nerd With A Metal Detector
and An Odd Theory Concerning
The Alleged Misunderstood Quality
of "The Phantom Menace"

    A real nerd by the name of J.J. Sully Chase was scouting the edge of the tide with his brand-new beach metal detector.
    Unfortunately, something detected him first.
    ~ ~ ~

    He had been drinking a bunch of beer, looking for treasure. He'd just finished pounding out a whole article on how "The Phantom Menace" was actually the best of the Star Wars movies, and had prepared to put it on the Kindle, sell it as a controversial article. Controversial, yes--but he actually believed it--or, at least, he did when he was drunk. Like here, now, looking for drunken treasure. It was the kind of article one could believe only when drunk, of course, but he didn't know that, and, in a few moments, wouldn't ever care.
    Still, it kept running through his head...then, in a slurry monologue, out of his mouth...
    "First--it was more realistic," he pointed out to the waves. "A lot of supposed complaints came from the movie focusing so much on space taxes and such. But let's be real--that would be a real problem, no? Space can't be all laser fights and hyperspacing. And even if it were--are lasers free? No, J. J. sure doesn't think so. And gas for the space ships--or dilithium crystals, whatever, it doesn't matter, that isn't the point, is it, no it isn't. The point was, and is, whatever you use for fuel, it's gonna cost money, or space coins, or whatnot. It certainly wouldn't be free. At least not for everyone. Obviously, if you were a member of the Empire, you'd get a good rate, but there would still be forms to fill out, and such. That's the point. So, c'mon--get real."
    He laughed knowingly, with a condescending-- if somewhat wobbly-- smirk.
    "Second--Jar Jar," he continued, as he twisted a dial on his metal