Sitting in Bars with Cake: Lessons and Recipes from One Year of Trying to Bake My Way to a Boyfriend by Audrey Shulman Read Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Audrey Shulman
rings? Watches? Baseball caps reading I ’ VE PROPOSED TO SOMEONE ELSE ?
The thing is, I didn’t know this guy was engaged. There I was, having a big time chatting with him over cake, privately registering that he fell into both of my ideal personality types (friendly, and friendly with glasses). I laughed when he mentioned doing stand-up about girls taking cakes to bars.
“Why don’t you give me your number?” I asked. “I’ll go watch you perform sometime.” He wrote his number down for me on a valet ticket and left with his buddies, waving good-bye.
My friend allowed me to bask in the glow of my small victory for a moment before gently bursting my bubble. “He told me he thought you were really cute,” she said. “He said if he wasn’t marrying someone else, he’d be interested in dating you.”
“So this means the only number I’ve gotten tonight belongs to someone who’s engaged to another person and unavailable. Yes?”
“Yes, that would be correct.”
I guess he was just a guy who thought I genuinely wanted to go hear him do stand-up sometime and contribute to his acting career, which was not exactly the case.
A
Hidden Layer Chocolate-Raspberry Torte
For people who may neglect to mention important attachments and obligations, e.g., marriage plans, children, or an upcoming incarceration.
For the cake:
8 ounces (225 g) bittersweet chocolate, chopped
½ cup (1 stick/115 g) unsalted butter, at room temperature
½ cup (100 g) sugar
4 large eggs
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup (165 g) raspberries
4 ounces (½ block/115 g) cream cheese, at room temperature
1 tablespoon confectioners’ sugar
Raspberries, for garnish
To make the cake : Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C). Line the bottom of a 9-inch (23-cm) springform pan with a round of parchment paper.
Put the chocolate in a heatproof bowl and set it over a saucepan of simmering water; stir until the chocolate is almost melted, then remove the bowl from the saucepan and stir until smooth. Let cool to lukewarm.
Beat the butter and sugar together until creamy, then add the eggs, one at a time, scraping down the sides of the bowl. Add the salt and cooled chocolate.
In a food processor, puree the raspberries and cream cheese together until smooth.
Spread half of the batter in the bottom of the prepared pan, then spread the cream cheese mixture over the batter as evenly as possible. Gently spread the remaining batter on top.
Bake for about 50 minutes, or until the center is firm and a toothpick inserted in the center of the cake comes out with a few damp crumbs clinging to it. Let cool for 5 minutes, then loosen the sides with a knife and remove the side of the springform pan. Let cool completely. Keeping the pan bottom on for stability, transfer to a serving platter. Sift the confectioners’ sugar over the cooled torte and garnish with raspberries.
A
The Guy Who Knew Too Much
I have a dangerously heightened and healthy sense of modesty when it comes to interpreting male interest, but I’m pretty sure this guy and I were trying to pick each other up.
He was holding a beer in each hand, in town from San Francisco for a ball game with some friends. I thought he was precious, albeit a little drunk for a Thursday night, but whatever he lacked in sobriety he made up for in charm—he was, after all, in sales. We chatted and ate cake while I polished off a Moscow Mule, loosening up enough to casually mention my real reason for inviting him back to the table—a big reveal I hoped he would find rather winning since we were already getting along so well. I knew immediately that this had been a mistake, recognizing flickers of confusion and displeasure registering through his beer haze.
“You could have just come talked to me without cake,” he slurred. “I’m ma-a-ad.”
I tried to throw together something about the importance of having an icebreaker, that this wasn’t a trick, that I genuinely thought he was great, but it was no use. I
The thing is, I didn’t know this guy was engaged. There I was, having a big time chatting with him over cake, privately registering that he fell into both of my ideal personality types (friendly, and friendly with glasses). I laughed when he mentioned doing stand-up about girls taking cakes to bars.
“Why don’t you give me your number?” I asked. “I’ll go watch you perform sometime.” He wrote his number down for me on a valet ticket and left with his buddies, waving good-bye.
My friend allowed me to bask in the glow of my small victory for a moment before gently bursting my bubble. “He told me he thought you were really cute,” she said. “He said if he wasn’t marrying someone else, he’d be interested in dating you.”
“So this means the only number I’ve gotten tonight belongs to someone who’s engaged to another person and unavailable. Yes?”
“Yes, that would be correct.”
I guess he was just a guy who thought I genuinely wanted to go hear him do stand-up sometime and contribute to his acting career, which was not exactly the case.
A
Hidden Layer Chocolate-Raspberry Torte
For people who may neglect to mention important attachments and obligations, e.g., marriage plans, children, or an upcoming incarceration.
For the cake:
8 ounces (225 g) bittersweet chocolate, chopped
½ cup (1 stick/115 g) unsalted butter, at room temperature
½ cup (100 g) sugar
4 large eggs
½ teaspoon salt
1 cup (165 g) raspberries
4 ounces (½ block/115 g) cream cheese, at room temperature
1 tablespoon confectioners’ sugar
Raspberries, for garnish
To make the cake : Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C). Line the bottom of a 9-inch (23-cm) springform pan with a round of parchment paper.
Put the chocolate in a heatproof bowl and set it over a saucepan of simmering water; stir until the chocolate is almost melted, then remove the bowl from the saucepan and stir until smooth. Let cool to lukewarm.
Beat the butter and sugar together until creamy, then add the eggs, one at a time, scraping down the sides of the bowl. Add the salt and cooled chocolate.
In a food processor, puree the raspberries and cream cheese together until smooth.
Spread half of the batter in the bottom of the prepared pan, then spread the cream cheese mixture over the batter as evenly as possible. Gently spread the remaining batter on top.
Bake for about 50 minutes, or until the center is firm and a toothpick inserted in the center of the cake comes out with a few damp crumbs clinging to it. Let cool for 5 minutes, then loosen the sides with a knife and remove the side of the springform pan. Let cool completely. Keeping the pan bottom on for stability, transfer to a serving platter. Sift the confectioners’ sugar over the cooled torte and garnish with raspberries.
A
The Guy Who Knew Too Much
I have a dangerously heightened and healthy sense of modesty when it comes to interpreting male interest, but I’m pretty sure this guy and I were trying to pick each other up.
He was holding a beer in each hand, in town from San Francisco for a ball game with some friends. I thought he was precious, albeit a little drunk for a Thursday night, but whatever he lacked in sobriety he made up for in charm—he was, after all, in sales. We chatted and ate cake while I polished off a Moscow Mule, loosening up enough to casually mention my real reason for inviting him back to the table—a big reveal I hoped he would find rather winning since we were already getting along so well. I knew immediately that this had been a mistake, recognizing flickers of confusion and displeasure registering through his beer haze.
“You could have just come talked to me without cake,” he slurred. “I’m ma-a-ad.”
I tried to throw together something about the importance of having an icebreaker, that this wasn’t a trick, that I genuinely thought he was great, but it was no use. I
Similar Books
Ascent
Matt Bialer
Mind Switch
Lorne L. Bentley
Killer's Prey
Rachel Lee
Classic Calls the Shots
Amy Myers
Pray for Reign (an Anne Boleyn novel)
Thea Atkinson
Rebellious Bride
Lizbeth Dusseau
Make-Believe Wife
Anne Herries
The Participants
Brian Blose
Dark Water Rising
Marian Hale
