Some Like It Hot-Buttered by JEFFREY COHEN Read Free Book Online

And they have the artwork from the poster I have hanging outside my theatre right now.”
    O’Donnell’s face was impassive as he thought that over, and then his eyes widened and his head tilted back just a bit. “So that means . . .”
    “Exactly,” I said, although it sounded like my voice was coming from another part of the room. “Officer Patel has found close to ten thousand pirated copies of Count Bubba, Down-Home Vampire. ”
    “You know, Freed, pirating copyrighted material is a federal offense. If we discover that these were being offered for sale outside the state of New Jersey, I’d have to bring in the FBI.” O’Donnell was looking at me, but he was really watching his career advance by about seven steps in an afternoon.
    “Is there a reason you’re telling me that, O’Donnell?” I asked defiantly, while feeling about as defiant as the average ladybug.
    “ Sergeant O’Donnell.” He left out “of the Middlesex County Prosecutor’s Office,” which I considered a friendly gesture.
    “Why did you point that comment at me, Sergeant ?” I asked.
    “Well, as you keep pointing out, it’s your theatre,” he said.
    “Honestly, with a murder investigation going on, if I was keeping pirated movies in my basement, do you think I’d be stupid enough to leave them here waiting for you? I had lots of time to get them out of here, if I’d known they existed to begin with.”
    “There have been cops watching the theatre since last night. And to tell you the truth, I just met you a half an hour ago,” O’Donnell answered. “I have no idea how stupid you are.”
    “I’m . . .”
    “He’s not stupid, sir,” Officer Levant stepped forward and volunteered. “It’s not that I know he wouldn’t pirate movies, but given the choice, he’d certainly have pirated Young Frankenstein instead.”
    We’d barely spoken the night before, but she’d definitely gotten a strong sense of my character. Because that’s exactly what I would have done. I began to see Leslie Levant in a nonofficial light.
    “Not as profitable,” O’Donnell countered.
    “I own a movie theatre that only shows comedies, and half of them are classics made before you were born,” I told him. “Do I sound like the kind of a guy who worries about what’s profitable ?”
    “You sound like the kind of a guy who could use some extra income,” O’Donnell said. Somehow, alimony from my ex-wife didn’t seem the type of thing I wanted to mention in front of Levant, so I said nothing.
    It was Officer Patel who broke both the silence and the glares being traded between O’Donnell and me. “Well, if it wasn’t you, Mr. Freed, could it have been one of the people on your staff? Do they have the key to this area?”
    “No, but they know where I keep it, and they could get at it if they wanted to.” I took a breath. “Hey, wait a minute, neither of my staff did this.”
    O’Donnell cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, really?” he asked. “And how do you know that? You told me you’ve known them for maybe four months. You can vouch for their integrity? ”
    “I’ve known Anthony for five months, and Sophie for three,” I said. I pushed air through my lips in a scoff. “Sophie’s sixteen years old. She’s more concerned with finding black clothes to wear than selling pirated DVDs.”
    “She has to pay for those clothes with something,” O’Donnell said.
    “Please. She has the pittance I pay her, and, oh yeah, the money she gets from her parents, who own three different hybrid vehicles for the two and a half drivers in the family. I don’t think Sophie has tastes that expensive.”
    “How about the other kid?” he asked.
    I hadn’t wanted to think about that one. Anthony, budding young filmmaker that he was, always needed money for his latest project. He would have had access to the equipment to dub the film, not to mention to the projector and the film itself, and he knew every piece of technology ever invented by its first