Spirit Horses by Alan Evans Read Free Book Online Page B

to my wife, who was such a good person, and to those two
beautiful, innocent children.” He shuddered with a deep breath, “But maybe
believing we could all be together someday is the one thing that might help me
pull myself together.”
    Gaining control over her emotions, Helen gently put
her hand on the side of his face, “Oh, Shane,” she whispered. “I know it’s
true. I just know it.”
    He shifted his eyes to the right, and then lowered
his head in shame, “I’m sorry about last night, I know I really scared you.”

 
    Over the next couple of weeks he started seeing the grief counselor,
which helped some. Though he was still drinking he was able to keep it more
under control.
    One afternoon a box showed up on his front porch.
One of the kid’s teachers had left it next to the door. Their teachers had
packed up some of Tina’s and Jacob’s papers and projects. He sighed as he read
the note, “God Bless, we thought you might like to keep these for some good
memories.” Shane picked up the box on the way inside. He tried to open it but
couldn’t bring himself to lift the lid. “I can’t deal with this now,” he said
quietly to himself. He finally carried the box over to the hall closet, and put
it on the shelf in the back corner where it would be out of sight.
    He continued sticking to his promise about
controlling his drinking and seeing the counselor. Three more weeks crawled by
and Helen began to feel that Shane was no longer a threat to himself. “It’s
good to see the light coming back in your eyes. It’s time for me to pack up and
go back home. I’ve been so busy worrying about you that I haven’t taken time to
deal with my own grief, and I sorely need to.”
    “I understand,” Shane said with mixed emotions. The
thought of being alone was still frightening. “I can’t thank you enough for
helping me get through these last several weeks.”
    Before she left, Helen made Terry promise to keep a
close watch on him, then she gave Shane a final hug and drove away.
     
    Chapter 5
    The weeks gradually rolled into months, Shane finally decided it was
time to wean himself off the antidepressants. He was now finding some solace
with occasional work, but Terry was still doing most of the riding. Shane
couldn’t bring himself to do much of anything
with Sloppy. Although he could tell that the horse was missing the
attention, she was simply a source of too many memories.
    Terry was glad to finally see his friend becoming
more involved at the barn. “I think anything you do around horses is good
therapy,” he said with a reassuring smile.
    Shane responded by forcing a grin and nodding.   Most of the time he would just check out
Terry’s work by riding the horses a few times a week. From this, Shane began
developing a sense of pride in the quality of training his good friend had
achieved. However, his state of mind was still operating on a simple day-to-day
existence, and the concept of time passing by was of little concern. After all,
it had only been a few months since the tragedy and every day he was forced to
deal with the realization that the house was way too quiet and his bed too cold
and empty. Sometimes he swore he could still smell the scent of Jen’s shampoo
on her pillow. The occasional good night’s sleep he did get was usually filled
with dreams of his family, followed by a short, but well-fought battle with an
all too familiar anxiety as he woke to his reality. He had become somewhat of a
recluse, never reaching out for companionship or returning calls of concerned
friends. Although he began working more, he still had trouble putting in a full
day.
    The money from Jen’s life insurance was enough to
pay off the farm, which set him up financially for at least the near future.
This allowed him to give Terry a nice raise for the overload he had taken on,
while Shane’s name and reputation kept the horses coming in for training.

 
    The seasons steadily rolled by and Shane