Squirrel Cage by Cindi Jones Read Free Book Online Page A

after dinner last night I started thinking. If Cindi can change herself into a woman which sounds like the most impossible fucking thing in the world, then I could probably quit smoking those god damned cigarettes which is about the most fucking silly thing in the world,” he stated. And then he sat silently waiting for the group ’s cogs to turn.
    After a long pause, the moderator, asked “Okay, who wants to add their comment first?”
    Andrea raised her hand and only after being acknowledged, she queried “Jim, did you really quit smoking because of Cindi?”
    “Naw,” he replied “I just realized that if she can do something hard as that then I could quit smoking. At least people would like me for that! Cindi is going through hell for what she’s doing,” he stated.
    “Isn’t that what he said before?” I thought to myself. But it seemed to answer her question. We went the rounds and Jim was recognized, perhaps for the first time in his life, that he had done something truly spectacular. His face beamed.
    Andrea was next . She opened with a brief synopsis of our conversation earlier that morning. T hen she talked about herself and that she was always worried what other people felt about her. I sort of made sense of where she was going. But it was all so very confusing. But she was so excited that the moderator let her ramble. Finally our turn came to make comments and ask questions. I asked her , “What in the world are you talking about Andrea? Slow down please and tell us again.”
    She started again, more slowly “I’ve always worried about being a righteous person. I’ve studied and prayed constantly with my family. I’ve tried and lived my life the best I can. I’ve tried to take care of my husband and my family in a manner consistent with my faith. But it was too much. I couldn’t handle the pressure. I thi nk that I have realized that I can’t be perfect. I can’t worry abou t what other people think of me, and I need to spend time for myself. I haven’t read a book for years. I haven’t played my flute for as long as I can remember ,” she explained.
    It sounded perfectly reasonable to me but I still didn’t understand how that could be such a revelation to someone .
    “And finally,” she said as she glanced my way, “I have come to understand that no one is perfect. I can’t ever be the person that others expect me to  be .”
    She was very happy about this sudden discovery and the rest of us shared her joy. Even Jim stated that he was happy for her. I finally understood what she meant. The reach for perfection is a worthy goal but quite impossible to attain.
    Morning turned to afternoon, to another group session. We all got to know each other very well. Another couple of days passed and Jim announced that he was leaving. In our last meeting together , he was the star.
    “I’ve done some really bad things. I’m ashamed for them. Damn this is hard to say without a cigarette. I thought that being cooped up here with all you females was the worst kind of therapy a guy could get. But it has been exactly what I needed. I truly feel sorry for my wife and I hope that she’ll have me back. I know that I can do this. I wish you all the best of luck.”
    After group, Jim singled me out and gave me a big hug before he left.
    “Let me tell you little gal, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I truly love you dear and wish you the very best in your life to come. You take care now, okay?”
    “Thanks Jim, promise me you’ll do good,” I demanded .
    He grasped my shoulders squarely and looked into my eyes. “Cindi, I promise to you that I will. I mean it.” He picked up his things and walked out the double doors with his family.
    With Jim gone, we had a quorum of women only. And … we did have a good time. I’m sure that the hospital staff were concerned that their therapy ward had turned into something else. I think that nurse ‘ big brother ’ filled three notebooks. For