Stuff Christians Like by Jonathan Acuff Read Free Book Online Page A

I didn’t want to do it, but when Guide-posts magazine asks you to be part of their “Hottest Christian Bloggers” calendar, what can you do?
    I didn’t have pec implants. I got a nose job—or rhinoplasty, if you prefer—when I was eighteen. My dad is a pastor and was a pioneer of “doing things with excellence” for the church. So when my face took a bad turn during high school, he nipped that right in the bud (or septum, as it were) and made sure I was hott with two t’s. I completely understand his logic. You think some first-time visitor’s going to stick around and give their life to Christ if the pastor’s oldest son looks like some kind of gargoyle perched on the front row of the sanctuary?
    He’d probably tell you that the surgery was to fix my nose after a horrendous skateboarding accident that left me with aface opposed to breathing, but that’s not the point. The point is, are we supposed to pray for someone who is having unnecessary plastic surgery?
    Let’s pretend you’re at small group and your friend says, “I have a prayer request. I’m getting calf implants tomorrow and would really like you guys to lift me up in prayer.”
    Do you say, “No, I’m not praying for that,” right away, or do you dig a little deeper? Maybe you have this conversation:
YOU: Do you have to get calf implants? Is this because of some medical condition?
    YOUR FRIEND: Yes, it’s called “no-tone-leg-itis.” I’ve got a bad case of it. No matter how hard I work out, I just can’t get my legs cut up.
    YOU: You need a funny implant because that joke was horrible. So this is just an aesthetic thing?
    YOUR FRIEND: Yes. I want sexy legs. When I walk in the room, I want every eye to be captivated by the beauty of my calves. I’m really nervous about the surgery and going under the knife and all of that.
    YOU: I think what you need to be afraid of is those pastel and neon pants that weightlifters wear because their legs are too bulgy for normal pants. They’re like MC Hammer pants, just not as classy…and that’s saying something.
    YOUR FRIEND: Please just pray that the doctors would have wisdom tomorrow and that everything would go smoothly.
    YOU: Oh, no. I can see it now. You’re going to be one of those guys who shaves his legs even though he’s not an Olympic-level swimmer or cyclist. You’re going to shave your arms next. You’ll be like this hairless man from the future, with smooth arms, ripped calves, and a fake tan. I don’t like where this is going at all.
    That’s a pretty grim future, my friend. So maybe the answer is yes. Yes, we should pray for our friends who are getting calf implants. Not just for the surgery, but also that they won’t turn into a flesh-colored Tron in the weeks that follow their surgery. Focus your prayer there.
JUST USING GOD’S FAVORITE WORD WHEN WE PRAY
    For centuries, we Christians have secretly used God’s favorite word in all our prayers. To even mention it, I embrace great danger and peril and risk and other words that mean bad things could happen to me. This word, above all others, ensures that God will hear your prayers and answer them quickly and awesomely. To put this powerful word into the hands of non-believers could find me banished to the balcony at church, and everyone knows that the Holy Spirit only touches people on the ground floor during service. But I must share.
    I am, of course, speaking of the word just. Here’s how we use it in prayer:

    I added those last four for emphasis, but it’s not far from the truth. I’m not sure why we do that, but I should probably apologize. Next time someone prays, you’re going to have highly tuned “just radar” and will probably be thinking in your head, “I just hate that book Stuff Christians Like. ”
THE SEVEN PEOPLE YOU MEET IN A PRAYER CIRCLE
    Prayer circles can provide some surprisingly tense moments. At church or in a small group, someone will say, “I’ll open us in prayer. Lisa, you close us.