Stupid Movie Lines by Kathryn Petras Read Free Book Online Page B

Antoinette,
1938
    On Hearts, Talking:
    The heart has two auricles and two ventriloquists.
    Medical school professor explaining basic anatomy to his students in
Perversion,
1978 (Brazil)
    On Heart-to-Heart Talks, Maternal:
    Now, Mike, let’s start with the drugs and work our way up to the kidnapping and murder.
    Worried mom (Arlene Golonka) having a heart-to-heart with her son (Mike Norris, real-life son of Chuck) in
Survival Game,
1987
    On Heart-to-Heart Talks, Spousal:
    Trish, we’ve got to talk.… What about the pool filter?
    Estranged husband to Trish (Lily Tomlin) in a supposedly poignant scene showing their estrangement in
Moment by Moment,
1979
    On Hebrews, Geographically Confused:
    We’re going to the land of milk and honey. Anybody know the way?
    A Hebrew, about to leave Egypt in
The Ten Commandments,
1956
    On Hellcats We Don’t Want to Meet:
    SHE TOOK ON THE WHOLE GANG! A howling hellcat humping a hot steel hog on a roaring rampage of revenge!
    Ad for
Bury Me an Angel,
1971
    On Helpful Giveaways:
    UP-CHUCK CUP: KEEP IT HANDY—it may be required on short notice during the showing of
I Dismember Mama
.
    Slogan on the side of paper “up-chuck cup” given to patrons of
I Dismember Mama,
1974
    On Helpful Hints:
    You
have
to listen! You have to listen to what the bees have to say!
    Scientist’s main squeeze Sandra (Angel Tompkins) urging everyone to listen to the killer bees’ environmental message in
The Bees,
1978
    On Helping Others, Handy Hints About:
    She was in great pain. Then we cut off her head and drove a stake through her heart and burned her, and then she was at peace.
    Anthony Hopkins reassuring everyone in
Bram Stoker’s Dracula,
1992
    On High School, Final Word On:
    Onscreen super:
In every school you’ll find.… The Gang.… They “belong” and the “stranger”.… He doesn’t.… Teasing becomes Torture! And Torture.… Terror!!
    Narrator:
The Cool and the Crazy. The weak and the strong, the leaders and the followers, the happy and the dangerous … high school kids, the most, the real gone guys, growing up—hungry for excitement, and all kinds.
    Tough delinquent:
Hey—you know what we need here, huh? We need some
broads
.
    Narrator:
And because of women like those and their men-victimizing boys—trouble hits hot and heavy.
    Onscreen:
EXPOSES HEP-CATS LIVING TOO FAST … TOO FURIOUSLY—“THE COOL AND THE CRAZY”
    Promo for
The Cool and the Crazy,
1958
    On Hillbillies, Too Durn Cute:
    Mrs. Davis:
My! You oughta see all them clothes she’s got. Would you believe it—three pairs of shoes!
    First Woman:
Great day! What’s she want with three pairs of shoes?
    Second Woman:
She’s only got two feet!
    Residents of Hillbillyland in
Swing Your Lady,
1938
    On Hillbillies, Too Durn Ding-Dong-Dumb:
    What in the ding-dong-heckama-doodle hell is that?
    Farmer in
Seedpeople,
1992
    On Hillbillies, Too Durn Expressive:
    Hillbilly woman:
Some critters been gettin’ in here chawing up the hogs. Killed one of the mules, too, tore her head all up.
    Hillbilly man:
Et her brain.
    Puppet Master II,
1990
    On Hillbillies, Too Durn Hot:
    Male narrator:
The unpublishable novel is now a movie.
    Sexy female voice:
The Hillbilly Hooker.
    Male narrator:
The Hillbilly Hooker. Was she too old at fourteen?
    Sexy female voice:
The Hillbilly Hooker.
    Male narrator:
She may have been poor white trash, but Fancy was her name.
    Sexy female voice:
The Hillbilly Hooker is coming for you.
    Male narrator:
Hillbilly Hooker—in color—admission restricted.
    Sexy female voice:
Ummmm. Come on up and see me sometime.
    Promo for
Hillbilly Hooker
(no date)
    On Hip Sayings, Kung Fu Style:
    Jumpin’ wontons!
    Oriental hip guy (Victor Sen Yung) in
She Demons,
1958
    On Hip Talk, Not So:
    Gee, Mom, you look real groovy. Gee, Dad, you look real beat!
    Preteen daughter in
Boy, Did I Get A Wrong Number!,
1966, starring Bob Hope
    On Hippies, Capitalistic Plans for:
    Businessman 1:
After we’ve grabbed a few Goldilocks boys and