Stupid Movie Lines by Kathryn Petras Read Free Book Online

ribs, a broken jaw, and a bad concussion. We’re going to keep her overnight for observation.
    Savvy hospital nurse in
A Kiss Before Dying,
1991
    THE STUPIDEST PROMOTIONS

    P ity the poor publicity writer. When faced with the daunting task of distinguishing his fifty-foot monster rabbit film from all those others out there, he must sit down and come up with the right words to attract viewers.
    This is no easy job. But the intrepid publicity writer with the nimble mind forges ahead—and often crafts a masterpiece of excess. Replete with dreadful puns, promises of graphic titillation, and (often) allusions to larger-than-life breasts, these stupid movie promotions certainly attract attention … although possibly for the wrong reasons.
    There is no such thing as bad publicity—or so the saying goes. This may indeed be true; however, we believe there certainly is such a thing as stupid publicity … as the following demonstrate.
    On Youth Aflame, Startling Facts About:
    STARTLING FACTS about modern girls and boys GONE WILD!
    And the lengths to which they go TO GET A THRILL! YOUTH
    AFLAME!
    This is MEANT to shock you!
    BECAUSE …
    It can happen to those you love!
    Trailer for
Youth Aflame,
1959
    On Choppers, Punky:
    They were punks, stealing hub caps for kicks, and then they went after the big stuff. Easy money. They thought they were tough until … But wait! … You see this fuel-injected, hot rod picture yourself. They call them THE CHOPPERS. Lock your cars and come and see national Champion Hot Rods in THE CHOPPERS. It’s the most. It’s wild! THE CHOPPERS.
    The Choppers,
1961
    On Taste in Film Production, Great 1950s Moments in:
    Alive! He’s Buried Alive! You must SEE to Believe. LOOK INTO THE GRAVE! It Will Turn Your Blood to ICE—SEE—IN PERSON! Not a movie! A MAN BURIED ALIVE! F-R-E-E! “My Sin” Perfume to all girls who look into the grave and do not faint! (Ambulance on call for those that do!)
    Ad that ran between features during the 1950s and 1960s
    On Puns, Dreadful Moments in:
    See Jane Russell Shake Her Tambourines … and Drive Cornel WILDE!
    Ad for
Hot Blood,
1956, starring Jane Russell and Cornel Wilde
    On the Swinging Sixties:
    Wild beyond belief. Human garbage in the sickest love parties. When they sock it to a girl, she feels it. Depraved beyond description. A new kind of abnormal love. Warped women, motorcycle maniacs, fantastic fights.
    Promo for
Satan’s Sadists,
1969

     
    On Good Points:
    You’re only young once. And this could be that once!
    Bad girl (Anne Neyland) urging the hesitant hero to race in
Motorcycle Gang,
1957
    On Good Points:
    I’ll tell you one thing. If that rocket comes down on a populated area … it won’t be good.
    Scientist in the giant wasp movie
Monster from Green Hell,
1958
    On Good Points:
    Crazy or not, anyone needing drugs doesn’t send a monster to a drugstore!
    Detective in
The Curious Dr. Humppe,
1967
    On Good Points, Heavy:
    When You’re Six Tons—And They Call You Killer—It’s Hard to Make Friends …
    Ad for
Namu, the Killer Whale,
1966
    On Good Questions:
    Do Native Women Live with Apes?
    Ad for
Love Life of a Gorilla,
1937
    On Good Reasons to Hate Monsters:
    It has destroyed my garden. I’ll never forgive that monster!
    Man viewing a devastated city in
Godzilla vs. King Ghidora,
1991
    On Good Reasons to Study Multiplication:
    This chicken egg took seven minutes [to hatch]. The monster egg is equal to about a million chicken eggs. So if you multiply it by seven …
    A reporter trying to figure out how long it will take for the monster egg to hatch in
Godzilla vs. Mothra,
1964
    On Gosh, Dr. Blake, I Thought It Was a Dog!:
    Dr. Blake:
Did you know your dog was a throwback?
    Jimmy:
Throwback? He’s a German shepherd!
    Dr. Blake and Jimmy (Troy Donahue) discussing the dog that has been bitten by a coelacanth and turned into a prehistoric wolf dog, in
Monster on the Campus,
1958
    On Graduation Speeches, Very Cool:
    We can either get out