Heart on a Shoestring by Marilyn Grey Read Free Book Online

because no boy could keep up with my fast sprint. Let’s just say he never came outside. He never noticed me. So I shifted my attention to kids at school. I tried to be popular. Changed my hair. Changed my clothes. Changed my taste in movies, music, you name it, all for the sake of having someone, somewhere notice me.”
    She exhaled and looked at me. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to heal hearts. Only how to break them.
    “I made the biggest and worst decision of my life because of my desire to be popular and the person I need forgiveness from can’t speak.” She tried to hold herself together, but I could see that her glue was pretty weak. “So, the reason, I guess, I’ve been so into changing my appearance is because for once in my life I am doing whatever I want to do in that moment.”
    I cleared my throat and chose my words with caution. “Please grab the cast iron if what I’m about to say offends you.”
    She smiled and sat beside me. Her shoulder touched mine and sent a shiver down my arms. A girl’s touch hadn’t had that effect on me since tenth grade.
    “So?” she said.
    “So ... your dad obviously had some issues, but why let that define who you are today?”
    “I’m not. That’s my point. I do all of this for myself. To be what I want and not what everyone else wants.”
    “I don’t believe it.” This time I squeezed her hand. “If you weren’t seeking approval from others you wouldn’t get so upset when I challenged the things you do and like.”
    She stared at our hands. I did too. In a strange silent moment that could’ve been romantic had she not been on the verge of an emotional meltdown or breakthrough. I have to admit, I was a little worried it would be a meltdown.
    “When I saw those clothes float away I wasn’t angry,” she said. “I was scared. An odd depressed feeling. Maybe that turned into a protest against you and what you did, but mostly because I don’t know who I am without that stuff. It’s like the person I am is many people and without all of those people I’m nothing.”
    “So you live in a constant state of rebellion. Now you don’t even know what the hell you’re rebelling against, do you?”
    “I didn’t even know I was rebelling.”
    “Your dad didn’t notice you, so you sought it at school. I’m assuming you’ve had your heart broken and each time you rebelled against that particular Miranda in hopes of finding a version of you that people liked. Right now you are rebelling against it all. You didn’t find what you were looking for so you gave up and instead of looking inward to find out who you really are, you reverted back to outward expression to rebel against the old you.”
    “Wow. Pretty fly for a white guy.”
    “Am I right?” I breathed in. “I know I am because I have the same illness. I just go into hiding.”
    “Awww. It’s like you’re a turtle and I’m a lizard.”
    “Huh?”
    “The Adventures of Turtle and Lizzy.” She laughed. “You hide in your shell and I hide by changing my colors.”
    I couldn’t help but laugh, and that means she succeeded in something no person ever had before. “You are the first person who has ever made me laugh when it was the absolute last thing I wanted to do.”

Ch. 9 | Miranda

    Derek and I reclined against a tree and talked until drops of rain landed on our noses. We shifted gears and spoke of childhood memories and favorite movies. Not the deep stuff. Not the painful images my heart wanted to forget. I wanted to tell him everything. Right there in the middle of nowhere. No one to hear. No one besides him. I didn’t trust anyone with my heart. Not after every relationship I pursued ended up an unrequited love story. Only two people knew my regret. Matt and Gavin. I spilled my heart to them a year after it happened. They were older. Wiser. And I needed to vent. Gavin told me to tell Max that I was sorry and allow myself to move on. Matt repeated. And I obeyed. Trouble