Tantric Orgasm for Women by Diana Richardson Read Free Book Online Page A

workshop when, after a few days of experimenting, a woman joyfully announced that she was finished with regular orgasms. They did not really do anything for her. In fact, she even noticed she felt much better without them. (I have heard women say words to this effect more times than I can count.) Much to her surprise this woman’s lover took her words very personally and reacted by withdrawing into angered silence. He unfortunately managed to receive her experiential observation as a personal insult—a message that he was no good and had been unable to satisfy her in the first place. He also felt threatened by the possibility that she would no longer be willing to have sex in the usual way, to try for peak orgasms for him or with him. Apparently he would have to sacrifice his customary approach.
    Overcoming a Lover’s Resistance
    Be prepared for a little protesting from your man here and there, but don’t let that stall you for long. Don’t be too serious in exploring new sexual pathways; develop a sense of humor. Be a sincere adventurer rather than a giver of rules and regulations, a tendency that women can easily display when entering this new realm. Don’t get caught up in telling a man what to do and how to do it. The tantric realm is closer to woman because of her receptive nature, so she falls into it more naturally. Man has quite some dismantling of a huge, excitement-oriented sexuality to do. He requires understanding, even compassion; instead of criticizing him a woman can become a bridge for him, a way to cross back and forth between the new and the old approaches. For a man to become tantric requires the same inward focus as it does for a woman, in order for him to contact his natural masculine responsive force and not depend on the usual male strategies. Give him space to experiment, working in cooperation with the reality (man’s sexual conditioning) without getting fixated on the ideal, which will only cause tension and turn an adventure into a struggle. Of course,many men are delighted when women take more of a commanding role in sex. Thus your man may welcome your new interest with relief, and not see it as a threat to his ego. Certainly the situation has most potential when you explore together rather than as two separate persons each intent on his or her own thing.
    Nevertheless, a woman can try out many of the suggestions offered in this book without her man necessarily having to agree (although he is bound to notice there is something more enchanting about the experience of making love with her). The truth is, changing a style of making love is an individual commitment, not necessarily a couple commitment. You as an individual have to wish to be more aware, receptive, and open—not too dependent on what your partner is up to or expects of you. Otherwise you can go around in circles and never break out of the trap you find yourself in.
    For example, the situation may arise that your man wants to come. What do you
do? You might join him, saying to yourself, “Well then, what the heck, so will
I.” But this is not individual commitment; this is handing over to another person the responsibility for your own transformation. And that never works to one’s greatest satisfaction. Instead you might choose to
not
come, to relax and enjoy being with him during his experience but not force yourself into coming just because he is doing so. And if you decide, in fact, that this time you do want to come, then set about it in an easier and less effortful way. Be experimental and create the opportunity to experience yourself differently. Resist falling back to the known you, the tried and tested way. Experiment for your own sake and be curious about the outcome.
    It might happen that, for a period of time while making love, a man still insists on his orgasm. But in the new context this can be after
an hour of delicious lovemaking
—which greatly changes the picture. And
why not? In time, he may feel that it