Tantric Orgasm for Women by Diana Richardson Read Free Book Online

separation between them is false. Included are all the delightful gradations of
exploration and experience linking these two. My intention is to convey that there are choices.
    I simply invite you to reflect on your experience in light of the new information I offer here, to see how it might be of benefit to you. With this new approach, the orientation is toward relaxing into being orgasmic rather than searching with effort for an orgasm. Please don’t be judgmental toward yourself for your “failure” to have orgasms or for having the “wrong” kind of orgasm. There is no wrong or right way to approach sex, no one to please but yourself. Perhaps, upon reflection, you will realize that you haven’t allowed yourself to turn inward during sex, to feel yourself on the inside and discover what would please you. Perhaps you’ll see that you’ve been working awfully hard to
succeed
at sex, as though you were performing in a play or taking an examination. Perhaps you’ll conclude that you’re basically happy with your sex life but the idea of trying a new approach appeals to your adventurous spirit. It is my sincere hope that whatever insights you gain about yourself by looking inward can shift your perspective in a way that allows you to improve your experience.
    Relaxation and Tension
    Relaxation lies at the very base of any enhancement of
experience, so relaxation and more satisfying orgasm go hand in hand. All
orgasms, peak and valley, are enhanced by relaxation. Any relaxation (even
briefly) of any body part invites the expansion of energy on which all orgasm
and heightened experiences are based. Relaxation spontaneously leads to increased awareness, bodily sensitivity, and psychological openness. And relaxation produces qualities essential to feminine energy. Especially for woman at first, relaxation is essential because it shifts her away from the active, outward, male kind of expression required for conventional orgasm and puts her unquestionably into the receptive, feminine mode. An orgasmic state, or any orgasm achieved through relaxation, engages the genuine, deeprooted, feminine energies of a woman, which allow orgasm to be a fully satisfying experience. This is a good point to remember when you feel unsure about branching out and exploring a new approach to sex.
    Peak orgasms can certainly feel wonderful in themselves, but rarely are they
deeply moving. We often feel basically untouched by them. If you find yourself
reluctant to explore something other than the tried and true, remember that
there is more to sex than the candles on the cake, which can be blown out at any
moment. Remember, too, that countless women report problems with the
conventional peak style of orgasm, with getting their candles blown out nicely.
Even with every best intention, it is not always possible to build up sufficient
sexual charge to produce a meaningful or prolonged climax. In our effort to “get there,” our movements become faster and harder, more and more unconscious and aggressive, decreasing our sensitivity with each move we make.
    The physical tensions inherent in the goal-oriented approach to peak orgasm are compounded by mental and emotional concerns about orgasm that are present even before we begin to have sex. Tensions increase with any kind of pressure and, unfortunately, most women feel pressured to have an orgasm in order to please the man. Man so enjoys the moments when a woman orgasms that he likes to make it happen if he can. Partly he likes to give his woman pleasure, but beyond that the ego issue is a very big part of the picture. When a man sees his woman orgasm, it confirmsto him that he is indeed a good lover. This is something for a woman to be aware of, and we’ll attend to it more in a later chapter. It is good to know that many men are quite identified with (even addicted to) the excitement of their woman’s orgasm, if she is so lucky as to have one.
    I am reminded of an occasion in a