Tear Stained Beaches by Courtney Giardina Read Free Book Online Page B

him, but stopped just before I reached the room.
    I could see it in my head. Flinging on the light, starting to scream at him, he’d call me crazy for going through his stuff and make up some lame excuse for the video I saw. He’d tell me I didn’t know the whole story that I took it out of context, or some other ridiculously stupid excuse he probably rehearsed in his head a thousand times. I certainly had everything I needed for my sake: I finally knew the truth. The question now was, what was I going to do with it? I had to gather my thoughts, put everything in perspective. I needed some time to gain courage. I wasn’t ready to face him. So I turned around, went back downstairs and sat on the white porch swing. The stars obliviously twinkled in the clear North Carolina sky. I had just heard my husband confess his feelings to another woman. I was pretty sure my husband was sleeping with another woman. And worst of all; he looked me in the eye every day for months, lied to me, and never gave it a second thought.
    I started to feel like a failure. Why wasn’t I good enough? What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? Then I felt nauseous. I was sickened by the thought that he would spend an entire weekend with someone else and then come home to me, make love and hold me as I fell asleep. I forcefully rubbed at my arms; I felt so filthy. Dizziness seized me and I could feel the bottom falling out of my life. I stood up, leaned over the front porch, and vomited.
    I sat back down on the bench, curled my legs in close to me, buried my head in my hands and cried. I cried for the end of my marriage, for the life I lived that was suddenly taken away. I cried for the now unknown future. I thought about how I couldn’t have seen it coming. How I was dumb enough to marry someone capable of this. How could I not have known? The signs, they had to have been there. I fought an exhausting battle with myself that night. Thinking of all the other times he’d gone away, all the other times his phone rang that he’d excuse himself from the room, and I wondered if it had all been her. Or maybe someone came before her. It was exhausting running all of that through my mind. It didn’t accomplish anything, only made the tears fall harder.
    It was almost three in the morning before I had stopped crying. I was so tired that I just couldn’t cry anymore. My eyes were burning and I had a migraine. I knew I needed to go to sleep, but there was no way I could sleep in that bed tonight. I walked quietly inside and made a bed for myself on the couch. I’d simply tell him I fell asleep watching a movie. He probably wouldn’t really pay much attention anyway; he never did anymore and now I knew why.
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

     

Chapter 12
    “Hey, sleepyhead, wake up.” I could feel his hands shaking me from a deep sleep. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He leaned over the couch, saying my name in that same innocent way he always did. He went on to apologize about our fight last night. Said he didn’t mean to yell at me, but sometimes I just made him so angry that he didn’t know what else to do.
    Even being up all night, I still had no idea what I was going to do. So until I figured it out, I had to pretend I was just an overreacting, jealous wife who was completely out of line.
    “I’m sorry too, I don’t know what got into me, it was just a long day and I took it out on you.”
    “Haylie, you know I love you right? And you know I would never cheat on you? I don’t know how you could ever think that.”
    Well, the video I found last night might have given me a clue . No, I didn’t really say that out loud, but I wanted to. I just brought my hand up to my chest, wrapped my fingers around that heart shaped necklace that I hadn’t taken off since the day it was given to me, and smiled. “You certainly have given me more than I could have ever asked for Chase.”
    “Well, I’m glad