Tell Me When by Stina Lindenblatt Read Free Book Online Page A

spots Becca. The grin on her face falls away. “Hi.”
    As if the conversation between us never happened, Becca exchanges a few words with Jordan about one of their courses, then leaves. I shut the door behind her.
    “So what did Becca need to talk to you about?” Jordan asks. “I bumped into her earlier, and she asked if I knew when you’d be around. She looked pretty stressed about it.”
    “Oh, it’s nothing. Brittany asked to be switched out of this room because of my nightmares, and Becca wanted to see if she could psychoanalyze me instead.”
    Jordan grimaces. “Did she?”
    “Nope. There’s nothing to analyze.” Before she can voice a few suggestions, I add, “So what’s up?”
    The grin returns, her usual enthusiastic energy pouring off her in waves. I let some of it in and feel better. Almost normal, but not quite.
    “I just talked to some guys in the common area and they told me about a major party tonight off campus. We have to go.”
    I shake my head, the almost-normal feeling ripped away. “I’m sorry, J. I don’t do parties.” Anymore. Or anything else where I’ll be noticed.
    She looks at me with her puppy eyes. “Pleeeease. I just want to experience a real party once in my life.”
    “You aren’t missing anything. Just a bunch of drunk people going crazy and puking.”
    “We wouldn’t have to stay long. I promise. I just want to see how the other half live.”
    I squish my lips to keep from laughing. I guess she means parties that don’t involve polite conversation, waiters, and appetizers passed around on silver serving plates.
    I want to say no, but it’s a word I’ve never been good at, until recently. And I owe Jordan a lot. She’s the only person who hasn’t been put off by my need to maintain a wall. Not that you can maintain a wall with Jordan for long. And since she knows nothing about my past, I almost feel normal when I’m with her. What more could I want?
    “Hey, what’s this?” Jordan reaches for the card on my desk and reads it before I can stop her. On the front is a picture of a lotus flower. It’s one of Grandma’s favorite plants. She often bemoans that it doesn’t thrive in Illinois; otherwise, she would grow them in her pond.
    I cringe as Jordan reads it, hoping she doesn’t ask what Grandma meant by ‘You’re stronger than you realize.’ I knew it was a mistake leaving it on my desk, but I do love the picture.
    “It’s your birthday? Why didn’t you tell me?” Jordan scans the room for other cards.
    There aren’t any, other than the one that my mom forwarded to me from Emma, which I’ve hidden in my desk. It’s too painful to look at, but I don’t want to get rid of it, either.
    “I kinda forgot about it. You know, what with studying for exams and writing term papers.” I pause, searching for a way to distract her from this conversation. “Okay,” I say before I can yank the word away. “I’ll go with you to the party, but I need to study math first.”
    She returns the card to my desk, beaming brighter than the summer sun. “I promise you’ll have fun. It’ll be like a birthday party.”
    “Give me till nine and then we’ll go, okay?”
    “Sounds good. Can’t wait to see what you’re wearing.” A not so subtle hint she wants me to wear something other than my usual jeans, T-shirts, and hoodie.
    I bounce my fingers against my thigh. I used to wear dresses and skirts to parties. The kind that showed skin, just not too much. But that was before, when I had Trent at my side and no one dared bother me. Heck, that was when I wasn’t afraid to tell a guy where to go if he touched me.
    I can’t wear those outfits anymore.
    I want to tell her I’ve changed my mind, I don’t want to go, but she’s already left my room, excited for what she perceives to be her next great adventure.
    I wish I felt the same way.
    I’m halfway through the third math question when the door opens. Brittany. I swear ice forms on the windows the moment she