The 1-2-3 Magic Workbook for Christian Parents: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 by Thomas W. Phelan, Chris Webb Read Free Book Online Page B

Complete and ut er boredom—that’l teach ’em!
    This is unnecessary. The child can go to the room and read, take a nap, play
    with Legos, draw and so on. She doesn’t even have to stay on her bed. Just

    42 1-2-3 MAGIC
    to be safe, though, there are three things that are forbidden: no phone, no
    friends with and no electronic entertainment.
    Some people ask: “Well then, just how is a rest period supposed to
    work? My kid tells me that time out’s fine with her—she doesn’t care and
    she’ll just go upstairs and play.” Don’t pay much attention to any child
    who says, “I don’t care.” That comment usually means the opposite: She
    does care. And if her room were such a great place to be, she would have
    already been up there.
    The fact of the matter is, the power of the 1-2-3 does not come so
    much from the time out itself; it usually comes from the interruption of the
    child’s activities. It just so happens that when this girl was timed out for
    hitting her brother, she was watching her favorite TV show, Garfield . Now
    she has to miss a big chunk of the show. No one—including you—likes
    to be interrupted so you miss out on something fun.
    If you really feel the time out is not effective, consider three things.
    First, are you still talking too much and getting too emotional during
    discipline efforts? Parental outbursts ruin everything. Second, if you feel
    you are remaining calm and time out is still not working, consider another
    time-out place or room. Third, consider time-out alternatives.
    Quik Tip…
    7. Can you count different misbehaviors
    Don’t forget—you to get to three?
    can count different Yes. You don’t have to have different counts for
    misbehaviors to get
    to 3. That’s a lot easier on
    each different kind of misbehavior. Imagine: “Let’s
    your aging memory bank.
    see, he’s on a 1 for throwing that block across
    And if Mom gives a 1, Dad the room. He’s on a 2 for teasing his sister. He’s
    can follow it up with a 2.
    on a 1 for yel ing at me. He’s on a 2 for. .”
    The 1-2-3 works a lot
    better if the kids know
    This routine would soon drive you insane
    both parents are going to
    and you’d need a personal computer to keep
    count when it’s necessary. track of everything. So if the child pushes his
    sister, for example, “That’s 1”; throws a block
    across the room, “That’s 2”; and then screams at you for counting him,
    “That’s 3, take 5.” The child is gone.
    Mom could say 1, dad could say 2 and mom or dad could say, “That’s
    3.” In fact, we encourage you to share the joy. Actual y, it’s bet er if mom
    TWENTY QUESTIONS 43
    and dad do both count, because then the kids know that both parents are behind the plan—they are consistent and real y serious. The involvement
    of both parents makes it easier for the children to shape up. In the same
    way, the involvement of both home and school in doing the 1-2-3 also makes
    it easier for kids to behave—especially the really difficult children.
    8. Can you ever ignore anything?
    Yes, but don’t ignore a lot in the beginning. In the beginning, when in
    doubt, count! After a while, when you’re getting a good response at 1 or 2, you may be able to let up a little. Let’s say, after a few weeks of getting used to the 1-2-3 program, your child does something right in front
    of you that would normally be counted. Instead of counting right away,
    just watch your youngster. The child can almost “feel” the count com-
    ing. Sometimes, if you say nothing, the child will spontaneously exercise
    self-control and stop the misbehavior. This response is ideal, because now
    the child is internalizing the rules and controlling himself without direct
    parental intervention. Isn’t that the kind of person you want to drop off
    at the dorm on the first day of his freshman year in college?
    How do you know when you should count? It’s not too difficult
    to tell. Most of the time, if you’re irritated about