The 1-2-3 Magic Workbook for Christian Parents: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12 by Thomas W. Phelan, Chris Webb Read Free Book Online

Let’ssayyouweigh125pounds,andyourfive-year-
    oldsonweighsforty-fivepounds.Ifhedoesn’tgotohisroomat3,you
    simplymovetowardhim.Somekidswillthenstaytwofeetaheadofyou
    allthewaytotheroom.That’sOK;they’llsoonstartgoingbythemselves.
    Otherkids,though,havetobe“escorted”(keepyourmouthclosedwhile
    doingthis),whichcanmeantakingthemgentlybythearm,aswellas
    draggingorcarryingthem—kickingandscreaming(that’sthemkicking
    andscreaming,notyou)—totheroom.Nohittingorspanking.That’sif
    you’re125poundsandthey’reforty-five.
    The bigger kids. Nowlet’simaginethatit’sfiveyearslater.Your
    ten-year-oldsonatthispointweighsninety-fivepounds,andyou—through
    arigidprogramofdietandexercise—stil weigh125.Youarenolonger
    inapositiontogetintoanythingphysicalwiththisboy.He’stoobig,and
    wrestlingmatchesmakeafooloutofyouandanyat emptsatdiscipline.

    38 1-2-3 MAGIC
    Your savior here will be the time-out alternative. If after your
    “That’s3,take10,”theyoungladdoesn’tappeartobegoinganywhere,
    youinformhimthathehasachoice.Hecangofortimeout,orchoose
    oneofthefollowing:bedtimewillbeone-half-hourearlier,fiftycents
    willcomeoffhisallowance,orhecanforgoanyelectronic(including
    battery-operated)entertainmentfortheevening.Manyparentsletthe
    childpicktheconsequence.Ifthechildrefuses,theparentselectsthe
    punishment.
    Aproblemariseshere,however,becauseyourchildhasn’tgone
    tohisroomandthetwoofyouarestillfacetoface.Lotsofkidsinthis
    situationwanttostickaroundandarguewithyouabouthowstupidyour
    rulesare,howstupid 1-2-3 Magic is,andhowstupidtheguywhowrote
    itmusthavebeen.Wecan’thavethat.
    You know you’re not allowed to argue. What are you going to do?
    Youcanusea“reversetimeout,”inwhich you justturnaroundandleave
    theroom.Gotoyourroomoreventhebathroom,ifnecessary,stockthem
    withgoodreadingmaterialsbeforehand,andwaitthestormout.Orwalk
    aroundthehouseafewtimes.Butdon’ttalk.
    Someparentshaveasked,“WhyshouldIbetheonetoleave?After
    all,I’mtheadult.”Fine.Stayputifyoucankeepquietandavoidboth
    beingprovocativeandbeingprovoked.Butifyourrealmotiveisthe
    desiretostickaroundforagoodfight,that’sabadstrategy.
    1-2-3 Magic iscertainlyverystraightforward,butmanagingkids’
    irritatingbehaviorisneveraneasyjob.Atthispointyouprobablyhave
    afewquestionsaboutthisfirstbigphaseofparenting.Let’stakealook
    atsomeofthemostimportantandfrequentlyaskedones.
    The Benefits of Counting

    1. Energy savings

    2. More time for fun and affection

    3. Your authority is not negotiable

    4. The punishment is short and sweet

    5. The 1-2-3 is easy for other caretakers to learn

    6
    Twenty Questions
    But what if...?
    1. What do you do if the child counts you back?!
    Your five-year-old is whining at you because you wouldn’t take her to
    the pool on a hot summer day. You look at her, hold up one finger, and
    say, “That’s 1.” She looks back at you, holds up one tiny finger, and says,
    “That’s 1 to you, too!”
    What should you do? Oddly enough, this common occurence
    sometimes throws even the most confident parents for a loop. They are
    at a loss how to handle the unexpected rebellion.
    The answer is very straightforward. Your kids do not have the
    authority to count anyone (unless you give that power to them). The
    child might as well have said, “The moon is made of cream cheese.” The
    comment means nothing.
    If the child’s remark appears to be a humorous attempt to tease you
    a little, you can just ignore it. If her “That’s 1 to you, too!” however, is
    sarcastic and disrespectful, count it by simply holding up two fingers and
    saying nothing. If the child again mocks your response, she will have
    just arrived at 3.
    39
    40 1-2-3 MAGIC
    2. What if there’s an obvious problem between the children,
    but you didn’t see what happened?
    Your daughter, Suzie, comes running into the kitchen and yells, “Dad,
    Bobby should get a 1!” You haven’t the slightest idea what the problem
    is, but the chances are the issue revolves around sibling