The Body Language Rules by Judi James Read Free Book Online Page B

." Or: "I always cross my arms when

    I'm feeling nervous or unsure . I feel sorry for this

    guy and I'll do my best to make him feel at ease ."

    This is why it's so important to evaluate your own body language signals and make some effort to understand their effect on other people . If you're aware that folding your arms could create the impression that you're stand- offish or even aggressive you can begin to make moves to improve the quality of your signals, either by not folding your arms at all, ever, or you could minimize any negative connotations by balancing your gestures to create harmony .

    Playing to your strengths means knowing your USPs and capitalizing on them . When you work on your image make sure you're accentuating the positives and masking any negatives . Fit the qualities to the situation and avoid working strictly on assumption--for example, "I know that client likes me because I always speak my mind ." Maybe they like you despite the fact you speak your mind . Or: "I'll never attract that guy; I get much too nervous when he talks to me ." Perhaps it's your diffidence that hOW TO m A k e y O U R B O D y LA n g U A g e W O R k F OR yO U 51

    attracted him in the first place . Did you never go for the shy guy above all the mouthier ones?

    how To self-Assess

    I If you're not sure of your core image strengths, ask people

    you trust .

    I Ask as many people as possible and find out what they first

    thought of you when they met you .

    I compile your own list of descriptive words and try to discover

    why people came to those conclusions . I promise you'll be

    surprised if the people you ask choose to be honest .

    This is a very valuable exercise but must be done in

    an open way with no stress or pressure .

    I never start arguing with people's opinions or becoming

    defensive . If you do, you'll find the evaluation process

    will break down rather quickly .

    STeP ThRee: hOW TO WORk ThROUgh BODy LAngUAge chAnge Assessing your own body language is hard because catching yourself unawares is as physically impossible as tickling yourself . (A brief pause to give those of you who didn't know you couldn't tickle yourself a chance to try .)

    In perception terms you are either aware of your own body language or very unaware . Once you become aware you also become inhibited, which has an instant and traumatic effect on your gestures and movements, altering 52 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

    them out of all recognition . Take my word for it; I know this to be true . The minute I tell people what I do for a living their muscles undergo a form of rigor mortis and their movements become wooden .

    Nevertheless, tweaking your own body language to create improvement is so absolutely necessary that you're going to have to move through the pain barrier and launch yourself on a voyage of self-discovery . Why the pain? Because very few people are naturally gifted body language performers . A lot of people have the body language charisma rating of a sea urchin . When you start to become observant of your own behavior you will find it's like looking at party photos: embarrassing and depressing . You'll fail to recognize yourself or identify with your gestures, facial expressions, and nervous tics and twitches . You'll wonder aloud why no friend has told you about this before . You'll stop laughing at Prime Minister Gordon Brown and Mr . Bean and start to feel empathy instead .

    Not all the changes you're going to make will be traumatic; in fact, the good news is that very few of them are, unless you're going to be a wuss .

    What's a body language wuss? Well, they're those people who turn up on my courses to work on their body language but who then--like the runt of the litter at the school gym--produce a sick note . hOW TO m A k e y O U R B O D y LA n g U A g e W O R k F OR yO U 53

    By "sick note" I don't mean a written letter from their mommy explaining why they don't have to join in; instead, I'm talking about a