The Body Language Rules by Judi James Read Free Book Online

about working on your own body language to enhance your impact and maximize your success:

    STeP One: knOW yOUR gOAL(S) If you were about to shoot a gun, you'd be given three basic commands:

    ReAdy

    TAke Aim

    fiRe!

    The order of these three words is simple but vital to ensure you hit your target . But how do you currently communicate?

    ReAdy

    fiRe!

    ... um... take aim?

    The success rate of this approach is about the same as the success rate of firing a gun before you've aimed and expecting to hit the target . Apart from anything else, it's dangerous!

    Speaking before you think is a common problem, and 44 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

    the thing about our communications and transactions is that often we don't bother to aim them before we fire . We're a bit flaccid about our target planning . Our body language aiming is especially suspect . We don't get to see our own body language and so we tend to just let it do its own thing . Like an overindulged child, though, it starts to become a bit of a liability .

    When did you last "take aim" with your body language? If you've had a difficult transaction, or communication, with time for planning and preparation I bet you spent any prep time working out what to say rather than how to say it . Or how about approaching someone you are attracted to? There are loads of articles in men's magazines extolling the virtues of different pick-up lines but few that describe how a guy should stand if he wants to impress a girl .

    Like every other aspect of a transaction, your body language needs to be fine-tuned in keeping with your goal(s) .

    There are four different types of image goals for you to target:

    � The "lifetime achievement" goal: the image you want to

    project to others on a regular and long-term basis .

    � The strategic goal: flexing your image and impact to suit

    a short-term set of circumstances .

    � The professional goal: adopting a corporate or more

    professional image that matches your chosen career . hOW TO m A k e y O U R B O D y LA n g U A g e W O R k F OR yO U 45

    � The role goal: adopting differing images to suit your

    different life roles and responsibilities, like parent,

    daughter, wife, team-player, friend, and so on .

    If you understand your goals you will be well on the way to understanding how to maximize your body language techniques to achieve them . If you suffer from goal- confusion, though, you're destined to look something of a prize chump .

    Before you attend an important meeting or scenario spend a few moments creating specific image goals for that meeting . Ask yourself:

    I how do I want to be perceived?

    I If I were wearing a t-shirt with words printed across the front to

    describe me and my personality, what would I want those words

    to say?

    I What body language can I use to get those words across?

    Spend a few more moments visualizing those words . To do this you can work on very basic body language rules and knowledge . For instance, if one t-shirt word is "confident," visualize people you know who look confident and then see yourself acting in the same way . This technique is a great learning tool for body language as it replicates the system you used to learn how to move and gesticulate in your childhood: play and mimicry . 46 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

    As a basic ploy you can create a simple body language tool-kit that will make instant improvements, like:

    if youR TARgeT quAliTy is ConfidenCe Your body language tools are:

    I Steady eye contact

    I Upright posture

    I Open gestures

    I A relaxed facial expression

    I your smile

    if youR TARgeT quAliTy is fRiendliness Your body language tools are:

    I Smiling

    I nodding

    I A warm handshake

    I Softened eye expression

    I Standing face-on to the other person

    if youR TARgeT quAliTy is sTATus oR leAdeRshiP Your body language tools are:

    I A firm handshake

    I good eye contact

    I Straight posture

    I Sitting centrally or at the front

    I no