The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane Read Free Book Online Page A

disbelief requires additional cognitive effort, we get the physiological effects first. And, though this belief may lastonly a brief moment, it’s enough to produce an emotional and physical reassurance, which can change our thought patterns as well as help alleviate the uncomfortable feelings.” 4 Our physiology responds to visuals well before cognitive disbelief kicks in. In addition, visuals short-circuit our cognitive circuits and go straight to our brain’s emotional levels.
    The responsibility transfer does not actually dispel uncertainty (the outcome remains uncertain). Instead, it makes the uncertainty less uncomfortable. This distinction matters. People will go to great lengths to get rid of the anxiety produced by uncertainty, from making premature decisions to forcing bad outcomes to numbing their anxiety with mind-altering substances of various kinds. However, the responsibility transfer works without trying to negate uncertainty. Instead, it helps you to be less affected by it, drawing you out of the negative mental and physical states that often accompany a position of not knowing. The outcome of your situation may still be uncertain, but you’re no longer so anxious about it.
    By presenting your mind with the possibility that responsibility has been transferred, you’re putting to good use the wonderful placebo effect—the brain’s inability to distinguish between imagination and reality. As we’ll see in later chapters, the placebo effect works even when we know we’re self-deceiving, perhaps thanks to this natural cognitive delay in disbelief. 5
    One of my clients used this technique just before stepping on stage to give a key presentation. It had the potential to be a turning point in his career, and he’d been feeling tense for a week. In the hour leading up to his big moment, his anxiety rose and his stomach started churning. When the CEO turned to him and said, “All right, Patrick, you’re up next,” he felt his stress level skyrocket. He could feel the tension in his shoulders, in his face, in his eyes.
    He knew how damaging stressed-out body language could be to his presentation. So he stepped out of the room, found a quiet corner, closed his eyes, and for just three minutes imagined transferring responsibility for both his performance and how the presentation was received onto the shoulders of a benevolent entity. He told me thathe felt an instant relief sweep through his body from head to toe. And his presentation was a major triumph.
    Personally, I’ve chosen to believe in a benevolent Universe, which has a grand master plan for me (and for everything else). I’ve found this belief to suit me best; it helps me see anything that’s happening as part of this plan. When I realize that my anxiety level is rising, I often perform a quick visualization to transfer responsibility. It’s amazing to feel the instant sense of relief and the warmth, calm, and serenity rising. I feel my whole body relax, and it’s as if my whole being starts to glow.
    Dissatisfaction Caused by Comparison
    Imagine that it’s Friday night, and you’re at a large dinner party with people sitting at multiple tables. The conversation at your table is rather dull, in sore contrast to the last party you attended, which was great fun. To make matters worse, the table next to you erupts with laughter. Wouldn’t it be natural to think,
I wish I were at that other table. They’re having a much better time…
?
    Human beings are by nature driven to compare. Whenever we have an experience, we tend to compare it to our past experiences, to others’ experiences, or to our ideal image of what the experience should be. This tendency becomes even more acute when we’re presented with several options and want to make the best possible choice, seeking to optimize the outcome.
    Each stage of this cycle impairs our charisma. The very act of comparing and evaluating hinders our ability to be fully present. Trying to optimize