race too fast to process.
I could be a killer.
It is a line that once crossed, cannot be uncrossed. What if I am on the other side of that line? Will God damn me for it? Will I burn for eternity in hellfire? Will I never see Mama again?
But it isn’t really murder, is it? I didn’t really know what was in that mug, so it couldn’t be murder. Besides, if she intended to poison me, and in turn I accidentally poisoned her, she’d be getting what she deserved. Really I would be defending myself, and Father, from a madwoman.
Her death might be the best outcome. Father and I would have to return to Cologne. We wouldn’t have anywhere else to go. I could warn Ivo to stay away from Elias myself.
We have no possessions, no coin. Soren, the vile priest who framed us for uncommitted crimes, had all our possessions burned in the streets only a week ago. But I could apprentice with another cobbler, earning coin that I could use to buy another set of cobbling tools. Then Father and I could return to our trade. In time, we could save enough coin to pay the rent on our home. Ivo would finish his apprenticeship, and we could be married. All in all, it would be best if I knocked on the door to Galadriel and Father’s room to find him saddened over her corpse.
I shake these wicked, calculating thoughts from my head. No matter how much I hate Galadriel, no matter how many empty threats she makes, I can’t let her turn me into a killer.
If I kill for my own gains, if I sentence a person to death without trial, then I am no better than Konrad Von Hochstaden—the man who sent us to the stocks knowing we were innocent and then used Soren’s crime against us to hang him without a trial.
I run my fingers quickly through my hair, braid it hastily, and start to head for the hallway. Caution, from a thought not fully formed, stops me at the door. If I enter the room in a panic, she’ll know what I did. I cannot tempt her to harm Ivo. I take a few deep breaths and look into the water basin for my reflection. Tendrils of my black hair branch out of my sloppy braid, and my brow furrows with worry.
I no longer have the privilege of transparency.
I unbraid my wild hair, run my fingers carefully through it, and neatly plait it again. I stick my whole face in the basin, the shock of the cold easing my anxiety. I dry my face and wait for the splotchy redness on my nose and cheeks to fade. I place my hand on the door, taking one more deep breath, and I push it open, heading out into the hallway, to Galadriel and Father’s room.
I knock lightly, and Father opens the door.
“Oh, it’s you,” he says, and I feel stung.
“I thought you might have left without me,” I muse, trying inconspicuously to look past him to Galadriel. He follows my gaze. “What is the matter with her?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs, his worried eyes upon her. “She won’t rise.”
I kneel down next to her and shake her shoulder. “Galadriel,” I say loudly, but she hardly stirs. “Galadriel!” I slap at her cheek.
She grumbles and rolls away from me. I feel her head for fever, but there is none. I turn to Father. “What are her symptoms?”
“I only woke a little while ago.”
“Has she retched?” I ask. “She hasn’t a fever. She isn’t pale. Does she have chills?”
He shakes his head. “She just cannot wake.”
“Then, let her sleep. If she isn’t well by tomorrow, summon the doctor.”
“I’ve already summoned him,” he says.
His words turn my stomach to water. That doctor is no fool. He’ll take one look at Galadriel and know what I did, that I gave Galadriel the potion meant for me. What if he tells Father? What if Galadriel finds out? My heart thuds hard in my chest. Think, Adelaide. Think.
”Galadriel had a doctor visit me yesterday,” I confess. “He did nothing but rob her of coin. The man said he could make my knot disappear by this morning,” I lie. “Look at it, just as horrid as the day I got it. I hope that is
Marguerite Henry, Bonnie Shields