The Crazy Dentist and Other Naughty Stories for Good Boys and Girls by Christopher Milne Read Free Book Online Page B

continued to spoil him and unfortunately, it really messed him up. When people give you stuff all the time, it makes you unhappy. Because the fun of life is doing things. What is there to do if everything is done for you? So, you become sad and lazy, and sadness seems to make people tired. Which just makes you lazier still.
    Rupert didn’t ever make his bed. He threw his dirty clothes on the floor, never cleaned his teeth, never replaced a toilet roll, and left lolly wrappers all over the place. He never put the milk back in the fridge, he used the same tissues to blow his nose if the new box hadn’t been opened and he stuck chewed bubblegum on his bedroom wall.
    But a day came along when Rupert’s parents at last woke up to themselves. Rupert’s dad was cooking a surprise dinner for his mum when the phone rang. He yelled out to Rupert that it could be the really important call he was expecting — so would he please watch the chops frying on the stove?
    Rupert didn’t even bother to answer. He was watching TV and it was one of his favourite shows. Well, guess what? The chops caught fire and the kitchen burnt down. Five thousand dollars’ worth of damage.
    Rupert didn’t care. Why should he? They weren’t his chops.
    That night, Rupert’s dad said to his mum, ‘You know what? Our son is a pig. A lazy, selfish, disgusting pig!’
    So, when Rupert became so lazy that he refused to get out of bed, his father went off.
    â€˜You will get up,’ screamed his father, ‘and you will get dressed for school. Otherwise you’re grounded for a month!’
    Grounded , thought Rupert, smiling to himself and snuggling in under the blankets. How much more grounded can I get?
    Although Rupert knew that his father was right about him being lazy and selfish, he was sure his mum wouldn’t be a problem. He could con her every time. Wrap her around his little finger. You see, his dad went off to work every day, leaving his mum, who worked from home, at Rupert’s mercy.
    Rupert waited until his dad had left for work, and then he started on his mum. ‘Mummy,’ he called from his bed. ‘I love you very, very much.’
    â€˜And I love you too, darling,’ his mum replied.
    â€˜Mummy, can I have some lunch?’
    â€˜No, dear,’ his mum said. ‘Your father and I have agreed to no food — in fact, nothing at all until you get out of bed.’
    â€˜Then you mustn’t love me at all.’
    â€˜That’s not true.’
    â€˜Then how could you make me starve? I’ve read about poor little kids like me. They feel unloved, they leave home, they fall off a cliff and they die with broken hearts.’
    It wasn’t too long before Rupert was propped up in bed with extra pillows munching into hamburgers, chips, fried chicken, onion rings, eggs and tomato sauce. Followed by ice-cream, lemonade and donuts.
    On the first night of his big lie-in, friends came around to see why he hadn’t been at school.
    â€˜Because I can’t be bothered getting up,’ replied Rupert.
    â€˜Fair enough,’ said his friends. ‘Cool!’
    That night, when Rupert’s father found him still in bed, he went berserk. He tried dragging Rupert onto the floor, but Rupert was too big to move. Apart from being huge, Rupert’s bottom had made a massive hollow in his mattress. It was like pulling an elephant out of quicksand.

    It wasn’t long before Rupert’s teachers began to ask questions. The newspapers as well. Someone had rung The Daily News and the headlines screamed, They’ve Made His Bed. Now He’s Lying In It!
    The story said that all kids get it too easy these days and it’s their parents’ fault. If something isn’t done soon, the newspaper said, the world will fall to bits. Suddenly Rupert was becoming famous.
    Television, radio and magazines all wanted to speak to Rupert and finally, one TV program said