The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley, Greg Smalley, Michael Smalley, Robert S. Paul Read Free Book Online Page B

DNA: Our relationship with God is the first and greatest relationship, and our ability to love others is related to our ability to love ourselves. These three relationships seemed to be a part of our genetic makeup.
    2. YOU ARE MADE WITH THE CAPACITY TO CHOOSE
Already you can see how the DNA strands weave themselves into your relationships. You have seen how you are hardwired for relationships—with others, with yourself, and with God.
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DNA OF RELATIONSHIPS

1. You are made for relationships.
2. You are made with the capacity to choose.
3. You are made to take responsibility for yourself.
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    The DNA also reminds you that God created you with the capacity to choose. You can’t always choose your relationships—you didn’t choose your parents or your siblings or your children—but you can choose how you will act in those relationships.
    One of the statements we often hear from people who are in troubled relationships is, “I have no choice!”

Two sisters have heated arguments, and the older one vows she will not speak to the younger sister until she apologizes. She fumes, “I have no choice!”
A husband is unfaithful, and the wife files for divorce, all the while crying, “I have no choice!”
A man feels betrayed by his colleague, and he shuts down the relationship, claiming, “I have no choice!”
A person on a church committee repeatedly is offended by another committee member’s opinions. He gets so frustrated that he resigns from the committee, saying, “I have no choice!”
    God gave you the power to choose. So when it comes to how you will respond in a relationship that has hit some rough waters, never tell yourself “I have no choice!” That’s a lie. The truth is, you do have a choice. Lots of choices.

Will you choose to stay stuck in a relationship—or will you determine to work through the problem areas?
Will you choose to hold on to your resentment—or will you choose to face that resentment and find freedom from it?
Will you choose to hurt the other person when he or she hurts you—or will you choose to look beyond the hurt to the deeper problem—possibly one in yourself?
Will you choose to run when a relationship gets sticky—or will you choose to honor the relationship by facing the problem?
Will you choose to look at yourself through a distorted lens—or will you choose to see yourself as God sees you?
    In counseling people from across the country, I am constantly amazed at how powerful it is when a person makes a choice. I guess I am amazed because I am aware of how hard it is for people to change.
    This is another profound truth: Choice equals change. Making a choice is often difficult because it requires change. And that change can be threatening.

    * CHOICE EQUALS CHANGE. *

    Samantha and John had been dating for two years. Samantha wanted to get married, but John was dragging his feet. She became frustrated after a time and threatened to break it off. John didn’t want to lose her, but he didn’t want to marry, as he put it, “just yet.” He sought advice, and after a while, Samantha joined him in a counseling session.
    As the couple talked with the counselors, Samantha revealed that she felt John didn’t really love her. John revealed that when she kept bringing up marriage in conversation, he felt trapped—precisely the thing that worried him about marriage. It turned out that John’s parents had been married all their lives but hadn’t really loved each other. John didn’t want a marriage like that for himself. Truth was, he really did love Samantha—deeply. But he didn’t want a loveless