The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley, Greg Smalley, Michael Smalley, Robert S. Paul Read Free Book Online

afraid of what they’ll see. But some people dare to look at themselves, and when they do, it yields great results in their relationships.
    Although it’s good for us to look at ourselves through a camera lens, many of us use the wrong lens. Sometimes we use the lens that Hollywood uses when filming aging actors and actresses—the soft-focus lens that blurs out the wrinkles. Other times we use a distorted lens, like carnival fun-house mirrors, which makes us look uglier than we are.
    I believe that the most objective and true camera lens is God’s. And that brings us to the third key relationship in our DNA.
    You Have a Relationship with God
Your most important relationship is with God, the source of all life. Some people may not want to admit that they have a relationship with God. They may say, “I abandoned God a long time ago. I have no relationship with him.”
    I maintain that we all have a relationship with God, whether or not we like it. Even people who don’t believe he exists nevertheless have a relationship with him—a distant or dysfunctional one, but a relationship nonetheless. Think of the physical world. You have a father, whether or not you like it. He may be living or dead, a man of integrity or a criminal. But you have a father. Your relationship with him may be wonderfully nurturing or deeply hurtful. It may be intimate or cold as ice. But you have a relationship with him.
    The reality is that you have a relationship with God, and he created you to need a relationship with him. The French philosopher Pascal once said that each person is created with a lifelong, deep desire for something more, and that longing is filled only by knowing God. In fact, recent scientific findings have led researchers to believe that the human brain itself is “hardwired” for God. A Newsweek cover story carried the intriguing headline, “God and the Brain: How We’re Wired for Spirituality.” 3
    God is serious about his relationship to you. In fact, the Bible says that “He is a God who is passionate about his relationship with you.” 4 If you ignore this relationship, if it becomes out of balance, then all of your other relationships will also be out of kilter.
    Adam and Eve learned this the hard way. God offered them everything they needed: first, a relationship with him; second, a relationship with each other. God was utterly dependable. He asked Adam and Eve to trust him to meet their needs. But they trusted the serpent instead. When they walked away from God, they walked away from the lasting source of love, joy, peace, and an overflowing life.
    The key to the DNA of relationships is to understand that we are wired to have a direct connection with God. Let me go back to the image of the camera.
    As I have said, what we tend to do in relationships is to see only the other person, and we point the lens only at him or her. It looks like this:

    This is where many people are. You can see how flat and simplistic this view of a relationship is. This is why so many of us experience the kind of relationship problems we have.
    The DNA of relationships says that you are made for relationships with others, yourself, and God. It looks like this:

    We’ve said that relationship problems aren’t just about the other person and that we need to put ourselves in the picture too. That looks like this:

    But God also made you for a relationship with himself. He offers you love, acceptance, forgiveness, value, growth, satisfaction, and honor. He equips you with everything you need for a meaningful life and satisfying relationships. He offers you life to the fullest. 5 We have found that the people in our intensives came alive as soon as they included God in the camera viewfinder.

    Again, as soon as the people in our marriage intensives realize that they need a relationship with God, they begin to gain the perspective and power to change. Also, when they look to God for their fulfillment, it takes the pressure off of their