The Full Ridiculous by Mark Lamprell Read Free Book Online Page A

recital, centre stage of the city’s town hall, a late-nineteenth-century sandstone stab at colonial grandeur.
    Rosie is not present, of course, because of her suspension. Also because she would ‘rather gargle cat vomit than join a choir’. Some of Rosie’s friends, however, are choristers and they huddle together to discuss the latest turn of events in the Eva–Rosie scandal. Later they report every detail of the evening to Rosie who reports it to Wendy who tells you.
    Eva has made her first appearance since her big ordeal, sitting in the audience looking pale and brave, too weak to applaud with any vigour. The class is divided: half in support of Rosie and half in support of Eva.
    Rosie’s little gang have discussed it and decided to be nice to Eva, but only to her face. Maddie Peacock has already been on a reconnaissance mission to check out Eva’s new diamond pendant (‘Hey Eva, hope you’re feeling better’) and is midway through a report on the number, size and shape of the diamonds when a young man approaches. He is impeccably groomed, with gold skin and floppy hair. The girls recognise him as Eva’s sixteen-year-old brother, Perry.
    Perry pops his head into the circle of girls as if he has a special secret to share. ‘If any of you bitches does anything to my sister, you’ll pay. You might be standing on the station and a hand will push you in front of the train. Or waiting at the lights and end up under a truck. Or coming out of the movies and have your brains bashed in. You won’t see anyone coming but we’ll get you.’
    A shaken Ursula O’Brien immediately reports the incident to her parents. Having experienced the full force of the Pessites’ displeasure during the photo frame debacle, the O’Briens barely raised a voice in protest over Mrs Pessites’ abortive attempt to exclude Ursula from the French tour. Back home over a cup of tea, they convince themselves that appalling Perry is merely making idle threats. They remind Ursula how painful things can get when blown out of proportion. Concluding that the best course of action is to do nothing, they pack Ursula off to bed. She brushes her teeth with her stomach churning, feeling like she wants to cry.
    On her way to school, Maddie Peacock waits for the train with her friends. Chatting happily, she notices Eva Pessites standing on the opposite platform, surrounded by her acolytes. Eva is laughing and pointing in Maddie’s direction. Maddie looks around to see what the joke is. Then she looks down. She can’t believe it. She’s wearing her pyjama pants and suddenly everyone on the crowded platform notices. Maddie feels a hand shove her from behind. She stumbles forward, trips over her school bag and tumbles onto the cold steel tracks just as the train roars into the station.
    Screaming in terror, Maddie wakes and writhes inconsolably in her stepmother’s arms. Maddie had decided to withhold the Perry Pessites story as a punishment for not being allowed to have a Big Mac before the recital, but now it spews out with terrifying velocity.
    In the morning, Maddie’s stepmother calls Maddie’s father, who is on a business trip in New York. Maddie’s father briefs his lawyer. The lawyer fires off an email to the school.
    The email arrives at 11pm and is opened the next morning by Christina Bowden’s devoted secretary, Judy, who prints it out and rushes it to the teachers’ lounge wearing her here’s trouble smile-frown. The headmistress has almost finished a touch-base breakfast with the science teachers when a hard copy of the email slips onto her lap. She scans it, finishes her gently risqué anecdote about frictionless pucks, and reschedules her morning. By recess she has questioned all the girls involved and by lunch George Pessites is sitting in her office, apoplectic with rage.
    How dare they threaten him with legal action when it was his daughter who was beaten up! How dare they!
    Christina Bowden allows him to spin around her office