The German Numbers Woman by Alan Sillitoe Read Free Book Online Page B

have realised it from the first. The trouble with me is that I take so long to learn.’
    Such painful denigration in her laugh he knew to be a sham. Silence was the only way to calm matters, though she would consider it a weapon. After pouring tea he sat without moving, though smoke from his cigarette signalled that at least he wasn’t a waxwork. The food boiled in his stomach, for there was nothing he could safely tell her. If he really told her what he did to get money, and described the state of his mind, she would scream herself to death, or bury him with scorn. No, she was as hard as nails. They both were, two worlds incapable of meeting on a human and tolerant level. She already suspected he did something crooked to get money, for how else could he have paid for the house from a suitcase of cash? He wasn’t the mortgage type.
    She fished for the truth with barbed hooks, the last way to get anything. If one day they decided to kill him because he knew too much they might do away with her as well, and should the police pull him in he wouldn’t want them to think she had been involved. He lived such a life that the luxury of easy conversation couldn’t be for him, and so not for them. Everything cost something.
    She sat and faced him. ‘Why did we have to buy a house like this?’
    The same old question: a hilltop house with every comfort, only ten miles from the coast, and within a couple of hours of London. ‘It’s convenient. It has a good view.’
    â€˜You mean for your aerials?’ She’d heard it before. Often was too often. She nearly died with worry when he went to crew a yacht back from Gibraltar, and listened to the dreadful weather forecast every day. He took off in the car one morning and said he was going to London, then no word for three weeks. ‘If I’d told you, the worry would have been far worse. If things had gone wrong you might have ended in the drek.’
    He was, at best, lavish and fun to be with, so could you wish a man dead for habits which were as much part of his act as falling in love with you had been, though so long ago? One way or another he had made ten years seem like forever, which in a way she supposed she couldn’t fault him for, if she wanted to live that long, which she could never be sure about, with someone like him.
    â€˜There’s nothing wrong with the house,’ he said.
    She lit another cigarette, and puffed smoke at his face. ‘Nothing a bulldozer couldn’t set right.’
    He blew smoke back. ‘What do you want?’
    â€˜If I knew I wouldn’t be here.’
    â€˜Where would you be? More tea?’
    â€˜How the hell would I know? Please.’
    The agreeable feeling of mindlessness he’d had while out with Ken had gone. Freedom and the spacious fields had taken away all worries – the sort of mood she couldn’t know about, or envied him for having. ‘I do what I can for you.’
    Like pouring tea. Thank you very much. You know how I live for it. So much preoccupied him, and he wouldn’t or couldn’t tell her about it. He was indifferent to her, didn’t have the resilience to argue and break her boredom. All these years she had sat in the house trying to unravel what routes his blood ran on, but with so little evidence it was useless. He seemed not to care, and only reacted when she goaded him beyond endurance, not even then giving anything away. He would swear and bang his fist against the wall, and go off to sulk in the attic room, where he would either stare despairingly out of the window, or at the curtains when they were drawn. If it was daylight he would glare at the green hell of the countryside. Or he’d sit hunched up at his special wireless taking messages which he said were no business of hers. She might as well be living in a gorilla cage.
    He stood, and came to her. ‘Let’s not have a bust-up. I know life’s not easy for either of