The Girl Who Ran Off With Daddy by David Handler Read Free Book Online Page B

announced with that familiar gleam of inspired lunacy in his eyes.
    Merilee raised an eyebrow at this. “Oh?”
    “We need to sit around a campfire,” he explained. “Reestablish a feeling of common manhood.”
    “How cute,” she said sweetly. “Will the two of you be pounding on little drums?”
    “Thor’s not into that,” I answered her, also sweetly. “I suspect we’ll mostly fart and spit and talk about girls.”
    “We girls will be having much more fun,” Merilee assured us.
    “We will?” Clethra said doubtfully. “What’ll we be doing?”
    “Putting up pickles and spiced pears,” Merilee informed her brightly.
    Clethra made a face. “No way. I don’t do the kitchen thing.”
    “We’ll be just like two pioneer women,” Merilee plowed on gamely. “Come on, it’s fun.”
    “It bites,” Clethra snapped.
    Merilee took a deep breath. “Okay, what would you like to do?”
    “I wanna watch The Brady Bunch .”
    “Why would you want to do that?” I wondered.
    “Do you have cable?” she asked Merilee, ignoring me.
    “We have cable,” Merilee said tightly.
    “Cool. Then I’m good to go.”
    “You and I need to talk, Clethra,” I said. “After your shower, I mean.”
    She curled her lip at me. “What about?”
    “Your book. I’m going to help you with it.” Either that or dunk her in the pond. Possibly both.
    “Good man,” exulted Thor, clapping me on the back. “I won’t forget this, Hoagy.”
    “I don’t believe I will either.”
    Clethra merely shrugged and mumbled, “Whatever.” And went inside.
    Merilee went in after her, pausing first to curl her lip at me. A flawless impersonation. I stayed outside with Tracy and Lulu, who was standing in between my legs, her front paws resting on my feet. She often gets a bit needy when she’s been acting out.
    Thor stripped to his waist and got to work chopping firewood. There was nothing lazy or casual about how he did it. This was work, hard work, and Thor Gibbs believed in hard work. He brought the ax down with thundering power, shaking the ground with his every swing, his huge muscles rippling. Sweat soon streamed down his barrel chest and flat, taut stomach. Me, I couldn’t imagine being in such shape when I was seventy-one. Hell, I couldn’t even imagine being alive. He was lucky to be alive himself. I couldn’t help but notice the three-inch scar on his back, still fresh and pink, from when Ruth had tried to stab him to death.
    “I can’t believe it, man,” Dwayne marveled, his voice hushed with reverence. “Thorvin fucking Gibbs. What a trip.”
    “That he is.”
    “And that Clethra …” Dwayne let out a low, admiring whistle. “Man, I sure would like to empty my scrotum in her monkey cave.”
    Lulu howled at the very thought of this.
    “Thank you for sharing that with me, Dwayne. Thank you very much.”
    “Can’t help how I feel, Mr. H.”
    “No, but you could shut up about it.”
    “Thing is, I meet a bazillion chicks over at Slim Jim’s. And compared to her, they’re pigs. I mean, she’s different. She’s nice. ”
    I peered at him curiously. “She is?”
    “Well, she’s got a real nice smile, don’t ya think?”
    “Oh, so that’s it.”
    Dwayne frowned at me. “That’s what, Mr. H?”
    “One of the three great misconceptions men have about women, Dwayne. Misconception number one is that if a woman has a nice smile she’s nice. Number two is that if she laughs at your jokes she has a great sense of humor. Number three is that if she agrees with every intelligent thing you have to say she’s smart.”
    Dwayne considered this a moment, scratching his greasy hair. “That’s real interesting, Mr. H. Are there, like, any great misconceptions that they have about us?”
    “Just one. That we actually have anything intelligent to say.”
    “I guess I’d just like to meet a girl where it’s about something more than sex, y’know?”
    “I do. The physical part is plenty at first, but after a