The Guards by Ken Bruen Read Free Book Online Page A

stickers. It read:
    Roches
    £4.99
    A suit approached Ann, began his social skills. I joined as he was saying,
    “On Sky News, before I left, they said a man was found crucified in North-West London.”
    “Oh God!”
    The guy let his hand rest lightly on Ann’s arm, said,
    “Don’t worry, the report said his injuries weren’t life threatening.”
    I said, “Hardly life enhancing either.”
    Linda approached with a tall guy, said,
    “Jack, I’d like you to meet Johann, my fiancée.”
    ‘Congratulations.”
    Johann gave me a close look, asked,
    “What is your profession, Jackues?”
    “That’s Jack. I’m unemployed.”
    Linda gave a tight smile, said,
    “Johann is from Rotterdam, he’s a programmer.”
    “Great, my telly’s on the blink.”

 
    Malice
with a Galway-ed
bite

 
    Ann was on her third glass of wine. Oh yeah, I was counting. Easier then counting my own. I was still on the tequila. John Wayne used to say it hurt his back. Every time he drank it, he fell off his stool.
    Linda approached, asked,
    “Might I have a word?”
    “Fire away.”
    “A quiet word.”
    The music had grown in volume. Sounded suspiciously like techno Gary Numan. That awful. Linda led me to the bedroom. Closed the door. I said,
    “Alas, I’m spoken for.”
    She ignored this, sat on the bed. The room was cluttered with furry animals,
    Pink bears
    Pink frogs
    Pink tigers
    Leastways, I think that’s the colour. I wasn’t about to verify. Linda said,
    “You’ll be aware I’ve been doing very well at the bank.”
    “That’s good … isn’t it?”
    “Of course. They have generously agreed to help me buy a house.”
    “Way to go, Linda.”
    “This house.”
    “Oh.”
    “I’ll be doing major renovations.”
    “Ah, don’t worry about that. I’m out all day.”
    “Jack … I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave.”
    For a bizarre moment, I thought she meant the bedroom. Then I rallied, tried,
    “I’m a sitting tenant.”
    As opposed to a sitting duck.
    Being evicted is no doubt a shock to the system. The mind is liable to turn in any direction. I thought of guns. Well, a gun. I said,
    “Did you know Special Garda Units are getting a new pistol. Not just any pistol but the Rolls Royce of handguns.”
    “I beg your pardon.”
    “Oh yeah. The Sig Sauer P-226 has been issued to members of the Emergency Response Unit.”
    “What on earth are you talking about?”
    “It’s Swiss. That’s where the precision comes in. See, all that neutrality gave them time to design a serious weapon. Do you think there’s a moral there?”
    “Jack … I’m serious, you’ll have to find new accommodation.”
    “Course, you being in the bank business, you’re not going to piss on the Swiss.”
    She stood up, said,
    “I must get back to the party.”
    “They’re £700 a pop. I don’t suppose the lottery will spring for them.”
    She was at the bedroom door, said,
    “Come on, Jack.”
    “No, I’m going to sit here and think of weapons.”
    She was gone.
    I didn’t think I could move into the Skeff with Sutton. Maybe it was time to make that move to London. A knock on the door. I said,
    “Yeah.”
    Ann came in, asked,
    “What are you doing, Jack?”
    “Talking to pink teddy bears.”
    “A bad sign.”
    “Oh yes, but for who … me or the teds?”
    “Linda looked very serious when she came back to the party. What happened?”
    “We were discussing guns.”
    “Guns.”
    Back at my flat, Ann said,
    “I feel a bit tipsy.”
    “Want to prolong it?”
    “Good heavens, no.”
    There was an awkward silence. I didn’t know what to do. She said,
    “Will you kiss me?”
    I did, if badly. She said,
    “That’s a poor effort, try again.”
    I got better.
    Then we were in bed and it was wonderful. Slow, strange, exciting. After, she said,
    “It’s been so long.”
    “Me too.”
    “Really?”
    “Oh yeah.”
    Then her voice wavered, she said,
    “I haven’t mentioned Sarah all evening.”
    “You don’t have