The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde Read Free Book Online Page A

answer did you give him, dear child?
    L ADY A GATHA . Yes, mamma.
    D UCHESS OF B ERWICK .
(Affectionately.)
My dear one! You always say the right thing. Mr. Hopper! James! Agatha has told me everything. How cleverly you have both kept your secret.
    H OPPER . You don’t mind my taking Agatha off to Australia, then, Duchess?
    D UCHESS OF B ERWICK .
(Indignantly.)
To Australia? Oh, don’t mention that dreadful vulgar place.
    H OPPER . But she said she’d like to come with me.
    D UCHESS OF B ERWICK .
(Severely.)
Did you say that, Agatha?
    L ADY A GATHA . Yes, mamma.
    D UCHESS OF B ERWICK . Agatha, you say the most silly things possible. I think on the whole that Grosvenor Square would be a more healthy place to reside in. There are lots of vulgar people live in Grosvenor Square, but at any rate there are no horrid kangaroos crawling about. But we’ll talk about that to-morrow. James, you can take Agatha down. You’ll come to lunch, of course, James. At half-past one, instead of two. The Duke will wish to say a few words to you, I am sure.
    H OPPER . I should like to have a chat with the Duke, Duchess. He has not said a single word to me yet.
    D UCHESS OF B ERWICK . I think you’ll find he will have a great deal to say to you to-morrow.
(Exit Lady Agatha with Mr. Hopper.)
And now good-night, Margaret. I’m afraid it’s the old, old story, dear. Love—well, not love at first sight, but love at the end of the season, which is so much more satisfactory.
    L ADY W INDERMERE . Good-night, Duchess.
    (Exit the Duchess of Berwick on Lord Paisley’s arm.)
    L ADY P LYMDALE . My dear Margaret, what a handsome woman your husband has been dancing with! I should be quite jealous if I were you! Is she a great friend of yours?
    L ADY W INDERMERE . No!
    L ADY P LYMDALE . Really? Good-night, dear.
(Looks at Mr. Dumby and exits.)
    D UMBY . Awful manners young Hopper has!
    C ECIL G RAHAM . Ah! Hopper is one of Nature’s gentlemen, the worst type of gentleman I know.
    D UMBY . Sensible woman, Lady Windermere. Lots of wives would have objected to Mrs. Erlynne coming. But Lady Windermere has that uncommon thing called common sense.
    C ECIL G RAHAM . And Windermere knows that nothing looks so like innocence as an indiscretion.
    D UMBY . Yes; dear Windermere is becoming almost modern. Never thought he would.    
(Bows to Lady Windermere and exit.)
    L ADY J EDBURGH . Good-night, Lady Windermere. What a fascinating woman Mrs. Erlynne is! She is coming to lunch on Thursday, won’t you come too? I expect the Bishop and dear Lady Merton.
    L ADY W INDERMERE . I am afraid I am engaged, Lady Jedburgh.
    L ADY J EDBURGH . So sorry. Come, dear.
    (Exeunt Lady Jedburgh and Miss Graham.) (Enter Mrs. Erlynne and Lord Windermere.)
    M RS . E RLYNNE . Charming ball it has been! Quite reminds me of old days.
(Sits on sofa.)
And I see that there are just as many fools in society as there used to be. So pleased to find that nothing has altered! Except Margaret. She’s grown quite pretty. The last time I saw her—twenty years ago, she was a fright in flannel. Positive fright, I assure you. The dear Duchess! and that sweet Lady Agatha! Just the type of girl I like! Well, really, Windermere, if I am to be the Duchess’s sister-in-law—–
    L ORD W INDERMERE .
(Sitting L. of her)
But are you____?
    (Exit Mr. Cecil Graham with rest of guests. Lady Windermere watches, with a look of scorn and pain, Mrs. Erlynne and her husband. They are unconscious of her presence.)
    M RS . E RLYNNE . Oh, yes! He’s to call to-morrow at twelve o’clock! He wanted to propose to-night. In fact he did. He kept on proposing. Poor Augustus, you know how he repeats himself. Such a bad habit! But I told him I wouldn’t give him an answertill to-morrow. Of course I am going to take him. And I daresay I’ll make him an admirable wife, as wives go. And there is a great deal of good in Lord Augustus. Fortunately it is all on the surface. Just where good qualities should be. of course you