The Jeeves Omnibus by P. G. Wodehouse Read Free Book Online Page B

sir.’
    ‘What would you advise, Jeeves?’
    ‘I fear I have nothing to suggest at the moment, sir.’
    ‘Come, come, Jeeves.’
    ‘No, sir. The difficulty being essentially a psychological one, I find myself somewhat baffled. As long as the image of Lord Wotwotleigh persists in his lordship’s consciousness, I fear that there is nothing to be done.’
    ‘Of course there is. Why this strange weakness, Jeeves? It is not like you. Obviously, the fellow must be shoved over the brink.’
    ‘I do not quite follow you, sir.’
    ‘Of course you do. The thing’s perfectly clear. Here’s old Chuffy, for the nonce just hanging dumbly round the girl. What he needs is a jolt. If he thought there was grave danger of some other bloke scooping her up, wouldn’t that make him forget these dashed silly ideas of his and charge in, breathing fire through the nostrils?’
    ‘Jealousy is undoubtedly an extremely powerful motivating force, sir.’
    ‘Do you know what I am going to do, Jeeves?’
    ‘No, sir.’
    ‘I am going to kiss Miss Stoker and take care that Chuffy sees me do it.’
    ‘Really, sir, I should not advocate –’
    ‘Peace, Jeeves. I have got the whole thing taped out. It came to me in a flash, as we were talking. After lunch, I shall draw Miss Stoker aside to this seat. You will arrange that Chuffy follows her. Waiting till I see the whites of his eyes, I shall fold her in a close embrace. If that doesn’t work, nothing will.’
    ‘I consider that you would be taking a decided risk, sir. His lordship is in a highly emotional condition.’
    ‘Well, a Wooster can put up with a punch in the eye for the sake of a pal. No, Jeeves, I desire no further discussion. The thing is settled. All that remains is to fix the times. I suppose lunch would be over by about two-thirty … Incidentally, I’m not going in to lunch myself.’
    ‘No, sir?’
    ‘No. I cannot face that gang. I shall remain out here. Bring me some sandwiches and a half-bot of the best.’
    ‘Very good, sir.’
    ‘And, by the way, the french windows of the dining-room will be open in weather like this. Sneak near them from time to time during lunch and bend an ear. Something of importance might be said.’
    ‘Very good, sir.’
    ‘Put plenty of mustard on the sandwiches.’
    ‘Very good, sir.’
    ‘And at two-thirty inform Miss Stoker that I would like a word with her. And at two-thirty-one inform Lord Chuffnell that she would like a word with him. The rest you can leave to me.’
    ‘Very good, sir.’

6
----
Complications Set In
    THERE WAS A fairly longish interval before Jeeves returned with the food-stuffs. I threw myself on them with some abandon.
    ‘You’ve been the dickens of a time.’
    ‘I followed your instructions, sir, and listened at the dining-room window.’
    ‘Oh? With what result?’
    ‘I was not able to hear anything that gave an indication of Mr Stoker’s views regarding the purchase of the house, but he appeared in affable mood.’
    ‘That’s promising. Full of sparkle, eh?’
    ‘Yes, sir. He was inviting all those present to a party on his yacht.’
    ‘He’s staying on here, then?’
    ‘For some little time, I gathered, sir. Apparently something has gone wrong with the propeller of the vessel.’
    ‘He probably gave it one of his looks. And this party?’
    ‘It appears that it is Master Dwight Stoker’s birthday tomorrow, sir. The party, I gathered, was to be in celebration of the event.’
    ‘And was the suggestion well received?’
    ‘Extremely, sir. Though Master Seabury appeared to experience a certain chagrin at Master Dwight’s somewhat arrogant assertion that he betted this was the first time that Master Seabury had ever so much as smelled a yacht.’
    ‘What did he say?’
    ‘He retorted that he had been on millions of yachts. Indeed, if I am not mistaken, trillions was the word he employed.’
    ‘And then?’
    ‘From a peculiar noise which he made with his mouth, I received the impression that