The Jeeves Omnibus by P. G. Wodehouse Read Free Book Online

counsel, and now something seemed to keep me rooted to the spot. And instead of being aloof and distant and passing on with the slight inclination of the head which, as I say, I had been planning, I found myself irresistibly impelled to consult him just as if there had been no rift at all.
    ‘Er – Jeeves,’ I said.
    ‘Sir?’
    ‘I should rather like, if you have a moment to spare, to split a word with you.’
    ‘Certainly, sir.’
    ‘I wish to canvass your views regarding old Chuffy.’
    ‘Very good, sir.’
    His face was wearing that expression of quiet intelligence combined with a feudal desire to oblige which I had so often seen upon it, and I hesitated no longer.
    ‘You will agree with me that something’s got to be done about the fifth Baron, I take it?’
    ‘I beg your pardon, sir?’
    I was impatient with this – what the dickens is the word I want?
    ‘Come, come, Jeeves. You know what I mean as well as I do. A little less coyness and a bit more of the old rallying round spirit. You can’t tell me you’ve been in his employment for nearly a week without observing and deducing and forming your conclusions.’
    ‘Am I correct in supposing, sir, that you are alluding to his lordship’s feelings towards Miss Stoker?’
    ‘Exactly.’
    ‘I am, of course, aware that his lordship is experiencing for the young lady a sentiment deeper and warmer than that of ordinary friendship, sir.’
    ‘Would I be going too far if I said that he was potty about her?’
    ‘No, sir. The expression would meet the facts of the case quite adequately.’
    ‘Very well, then. Now, mark this. She, too, loves, Jeeves.’
    ‘Indeed, sir?’
    ‘She was telling me so specifically when you came along. She confessed herself dippy about the man. And she’s very upset, poor fish. Extremely upset. Her feminine intuition has enabled her to read his secret. She detects the love light in his eyes. And she is all for it. And what is worrying her is that he does not tell his love, but lets concealment like … like what, Jeeves?’
    ‘A worm i’ the bud, sir.’
    ‘Feed on his something –’
    ‘Damask cheek, sir.’
    ‘Damask? You’re sure?’
    ‘Quite sure, sir.’
    ‘Well, then, what on earth is it all about? He loves her. She loves him. So what’s the snag? In conversing with her just now, I advanced the theory that what was holding him back was delicacy, but I didn’t really believe it. I know Chuffy. A swift performer, if ever there was one. If he didn’t propose to a girl by the end of the first week, he would think he was losing his grip. Yet now look at him. Missing on every cylinder. Why?’
    ‘His lordship is a gentleman of scruples, sir.’
    ‘How do you mean?’
    ‘He feels that, being of straitened means himself, he has not the right to propose marriage to a young lady as wealthy as Miss Stoker.’
    ‘But, dash it, Love laughs at … no, it doesn’t … it’s at locksmiths, isn’t it?’
    ‘At locksmiths, yes, sir.’
    ‘Besides, she isn’t as rich as all that. Just comfortably off, I should have said.’
    ‘No, sir. Mr Stoker’s fortune amounts to as much as fifty million dollars.’
    ‘What! You’re talking through your hat, Jeeves.’
    ‘No, sir. I understand that that was the sum which he inherited recently under the will of the late Mr George Stoker.’
    I was stunned.
    ‘Good Lord, Jeeves! Has Second Cousin George kicked the bucket?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘And left all his money to old Stoker?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘Now I see. Now I understand – This explains everything. I was wondering how he managed to be going about buying vast estates. The yacht in the harbour is his, of course?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘Well, well, well! But, dash it, George must have had nearer relations.’
    ‘Yes, sir. I understand that he disliked them all.’
    ‘You know about him, then?’
    ‘Yes, sir. I saw a good deal of his personal attendant when we were in New York. A man named Benstead.’
    ‘He was