The Jeeves Omnibus - Vol 2: (Jeeves & Wooster): No. 2 by P.G. Wodehouse Read Free Book Online

business of the mess jacket, anything resembling weakness would have been fatal.
    ‘I suppose you realize, Jeeves,’ I said, for though one dislikes to rub it in, these things have to be pointed out, ‘that all this was your fault?’
    ‘Sir?’
    ‘It’s no good saying “Sir?” You know it was. If you had not insisted on his going to that dance – a mad project, as I spotted from the first – this would not have happened.’
    ‘Yes, sir, but I confess I did not anticipate –’
    ‘Always anticipate everything, Jeeves,’ I said, a little sternly. ‘It is the only way. Even if you had allowed him to wear a Pierrot costume, things would not have panned out as they did. A Pierrot costume has pockets. However,’ I went on more kindly, ‘we need not go into that now. If all this has shown you what comes of going about the place in scarlet tights, that is something gained. Gussie waits without, you say?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘Then shoot him in, and I will see what I can do for him.’

6
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    GUSSIE, ON ARRIVAL , proved to be still showing traces of his grim experience. The face was pale, the eyes gooseberry-like, the ears drooping, and the whole aspect that of a man who has passed through the furnace and been caught in the machinery. I hitched myself up a bit higher on the pillows and gazed at him narrowly. It was a moment, I could see, when first aid was required, and I prepared to get down to cases.
    ‘Well, Gussie.’
    ‘Hullo, Bertie.’
    ‘What ho.’
    ‘What ho.’
    These civilities concluded, I felt that the moment had come to touch delicately on the past.
    ‘I hear you’ve been through it a bit.’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘Thanks to Jeeves.’
    ‘It wasn’t Jeeves’s fault.’
    ‘Entirely Jeeves’s fault.’
    ‘I don’t see that. I forgot my money and latchkey –’
    ‘And now you’d better forget Jeeves. For you will be interested to hear, Gussie,’ I said, deeming it best to put him in touch with the position of affairs right away, ‘that he is no longer handling your little problem.’
    This seemed to slip it across him properly. The jaws fell, the ears drooped more limply. He had been looking like a dead fish. He now looked like a deader fish, one of last year’s, cast up on some lonely beach and left there at the mercy of the wind and tides.
    ‘What!’
    ‘Yes.’
    ‘You don’t mean that Jeeves isn’t going to –’
    ‘No.’
    ‘But, dash it –’
    I was kind, but firm.
    ‘You will be much better off without him. Surely your terrible experiences of that awful night have told you that Jeeves needs a rest. The keenest of thinkers strikes a bad patch occasionally. That is what has happened to Jeeves. I have seen it coming on for some time. He has lost his form. He wants his plugs decarbonized. No doubt this is a shock to you. I suppose you came here this morning to seek his advice?’
    ‘Of course I did.’
    ‘On what point?’
    ‘Madeline Bassett has gone to stay with these people in the country, and I want to know what he thinks I ought to do.’
    ‘Well, as I say, Jeeves is off the case.’
    ‘But, Bertie, dash it –’
    ‘Jeeves,’ I said with a certain asperity, ‘is no longer on the case. I am now in sole charge.’
    ‘But what on earth can you do?’
    I curbed my resentment. We Woosters are fair-minded. We can make allowances for men who have been parading London all night in scarlet tights.
    ‘That,’ I said quietly, ‘we shall see. Sit down and let us confer. I am bound to say the thing seems quite simple to me. You say this girl has gone to visit friends in the country. It would appear obvious that you must go there too, and flock round her like a poultice. Elementary.’
    ‘But I can’t plant myself on a lot of perfect strangers.’
    ‘Don’t you know these people?’
    ‘Of course I don’t. I don’t know anybody.’
    I pursed the lips. This did seem to complicate matters somewhat.
    ‘All that I know is that their name is Travers, and it’s a place