The Knife and the Butterfly by Ashley Hope Pérez Read Free Book Online Page B

Theo is to Lexi, but Pakmin comes and gets me before I can find out.

    During rec, me and Baby Tigs chill together, talking shit and doing pushups until our knuckles are bloody with gravel.
    “That’s killer,” Tigs says. He jumps up and wipes his fingers across his county issues, then drops back against the fence and slides down until he’s sitting on top of some ratty-ass weeds grown up through the chain links.
    “I’m getting nowhere with this ho they got me watching,” I say.
    “Man, don’t start up on that again. Nobody gets nowhere with their obs, far as I can tell.”
    “What gets me is how they act like we should be figuring shit out. What the hell, you know?” I say, but I can tell Tiger isn’t listening. He’s got this far-off look on his face.
    “Tigs?” I ask.
    He looks at me funny. “What?”
    “Where’d you go, man? You tripping on something you’re not sharing?”
    He shakes his head. “Just trying to remember. Always trying to remember.”

    About thirty minutes after he brings lunch, Gabe walks back my way. I shove my black book under the mattress before his footsteps get too close.
    I’m already waiting by the bars when he comes up and unlocks my cell.
    “What’s up?” I ask him.
    “You wanted to see your file again,” he says.
    “That’s tight, man, thanks.”
    I stare at the perfect white of his uniform as I go out of the cell. I can’t find a single speck of dust or nothing on it. Shit, when I wear white, every not-white thing in the world flies at me and gets on my clothes. I wonder if maybe Gabe’s got a wrinkle-faced old wife to help him keep his things so nice.
    Gabe takes me back to the conference room where I talked to Pakmin, then we pass through into the giant reading room. He sits me down at a table and pulls out a few rolled-up sheets of paper and a pencil from his pants pocket. He sets everything in front of me and says, “Wait.”
    A minute later he comes back with the same folder Pakmin gave me last time.
    “I don’t know how long I can give you, son,” he says. “But when I come back, you have to leave. No extra time.”
    I shrug and reach for the file. “I’m cool.”
    I try to read faster than before, but I hear myself saying the words out loud like I’m some little kid in second grade instead of 15. Even if there ain’t nobody around to hear me, it’s still embarrassing as hell.
    I go through the rest of my school files real fast. I skim counselor referrals from fifth grade, shitty test scores, and truancy write-ups from middle school.
    Then there are police reports from the times I got picked up for questioning, then the stuff about the auto theft trial that landed me in juvie. I know it’s stupid when I’ve got this whole big-ass file to read, but I start thinking about Pájaro. Everything that happened, it’s not in here because I didn’t get caught. But I ain’t forgot it.
    I don’t even know what happened to Pájaro’s girl, Trippy. She lived with her mom and a little brother, and one night they just disappeared. Se borraron . Probably gone back to El Salvador, some people said. I didn’t even know until Becca told me on the phone while I was in juvie. I was going to do like Trippy asked, find that Mexican and make him pay for what he done to Pájaro. I even bought a piece off of a guy to do the job. Then the next day they picked me up for grand auto, for something I did almost a year before me and Pájaro stole that damn stereo. After I got out of juvie, I found out that other homies took care of things, sent a real strong message. But I wasn’t there. Becca said that was a blessing in disguise because otherwise I might’ve got killed. The thing with Pájaro still weighs me down real bad, though.
    Gabe is probably coming back any second, so I grab the last few pages from my file and sandwich them between the pieces of paper he gave me for notes. I roll it all up again like it was when he handed it to me. I barely have time to stick