way behind. Though I heard nothing, the knowledge of being stalked was positive, as if my own shadow had pulled away in the shine of a street lamp and wanted to observe my intentions in an unfriendly manner.
To follow one man and not lose sight of him takes three men. If the man to be kept in view is on the move sixteen hours a day, then six men are needed to work two shifts of eight hours. If it is necessary to keep him under observation during the night as well, nine men would be employed. I liked the situation no more than when sitting on watch in Malaya with hut doors open and lights glaring from the double pack of accumulators, and thinking that a terrorist had me in his sights from the cover of the trees. As I turned a corner at my usual pace I wondered, not how to outwit my pursuer, but how I could discover his identity. Common sense suggested I swing from the next bend and walk back into him; but cunning advised me not to show that I was aware of his intentions.
Being a prey to speculation led me to query whether I was in fact being followed. Perhaps two weeks of boredom had deranged me. Idleness had been pleasant. The lodging, provision and lack of responsibility were so agreeable that I wanted to pass my life in this state, because nothing could make a wireless operator more content than a long break from tapping and log-filling. But the idleness went on too long and, like the painful stage of a disease, was beginning to eat into my soul. I was losing the ability to open and close my eyes at will. The calves of my legs ached, and my scalp itched as if, should I scratch, my hair would fall out in clutches. Too long from the disciplined stitch of morse code, the pit of my stomach started to solidify. Looking at my hand, I would see three fingers instead of four. The only cure was to be tucked into my operatorâs position with earphones and intercom-jacks pushed decisively into their respective sockets, and hands twitching at the coloured clickstops of the transmitter whose façade looks like a childâs construction kit.
Being away from England, and pitched into a situation whose outcome was from any point of view uncertain, I felt myself to be at least two different people, both of whom it was difficult to hold together in one physical spot. Could not that person, therefore, who followed me and never varied the distance, be a third entity that had split off from the two of me already in existence?
I increased my pace from a surge of buoyancy rather than to outdistance my pursuer. If instead of one person tracking me there were in fact the necessary three â out of a conscientiousness to do the job properly â then the three parts of me within my controllable orbit had a chance of outwitting them.
Before deciding on the best means of doing this I wondered why anyone should so obviously track me, and hoped the reason would be revealed. Having discovered the fact early could only be explained by my lack of surprise at such a thing happening at all. Since meeting Bennett and reaching our rendezvous in Southern Africa, there had seemed something unreal about the purpose â if not the legality â of what he proposed to do. The only evidence for this uneasiness was that it poisoned my idleness.
The clatter of footsteps was my own. I would walk instead of march, do 90 and not 120 paces to the minute, preferring to show concern rather than anxiety. It was chilling to be followed. Being tracked can turn into a pursuit, and become a chase. Physically aware of the follower, you may be manoeuvred into a trap.
The streets darkened. I clenched my fists, and turned corners. The route must have shaped so many letter Ls theyâd become like stairs on paper. I marched again, and at the left foot passing the right, as if on parade, the loud voice in me shouted: âHalt!â
Both feet came noisily together. On a further command I did the âabout turnâ, drew back my left fist, and punched
Rebecca Hamilton, Conner Kressley